me
Time takes time
Yes this is a phrase that has stuck with me for a long time. Time does take time. And time does eventually heal all wounds.. But the worst is when you’re the one who caused the hurt. Roadblock that upset my mother. A woman who I respect and I love more than anyone in the world. I did not know she was a block follower. I foolishly only thought she like most but as my husband only said if it was posted on social media. So I don’t know what to do. I am still in what they call chemo fog. I am not really in control of my emotions. My multiple sclerosis is like a roller-coaster and I never know if I’m going to wake up to a good day or a bad day. Anyways I don’t know how to fix this and I can’t really think straight to even think how to fix it because I deleted the blog and I can’t read read it to even remember exactly what I wrote wrong. I know it sounds crazy but chemotherapy kind of makes you crazy. The good thing is I live in New York and have no hair and I’m cold. I have seen no 6s nor have I seen any downfall yet to having stem cells. So they say you have to wait for up to a year to see anything effective. Meantime I will just wait because time takes time. And just like I hope my mother can forgive me I hope that stuff sells will work. I just have to let time take time. I apologize for all the grammatical errors I don’t have the eyes to look back through and put commas in.
Peace and love Laurelin
A drug dealers dream
Last day of stem cells in Mexico!
It’s finally time for me to get stem cells!
Miles to go before I sleep
” these Woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep. and miles to go before I sleep .and miles to go before I sleep.”- Robert Frost. I used to think about that all the time. Wondering when, and how I would leave this earth. I always figured I’d be lucky for anything after 50. I had days to go before I slept. I had moment to moment before I slept in less than two weeks and now I leave for Mexico. I have a whole new journey in life to look forward to. I never thought with my multiple sclerosis there could ever be any help or care. For all the terrible medications I took, that didn’t do anything at all finally I see hope. I am all kinds of emotions right now. It’s very scary and very exciting. I will lose all of my hair and I absolutely don’t care! Finally there are miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep….
16 days
16 days until I go to Mexico
16 days
16 days until it doesn’t matter if I’m off aubagio
16 days
I miss walking with a walker. I miss not crawling on the floor
16 days
Then I will not need my medicine anymore
16 days
My multiple sclerosis is kicking my ass
16 days
Till I hope and pray it will be a thing of the past
16 days…
Is blood thicker than water?
Is blood thicker than water?
- I have many blood relatives that mean more to me than anything. I have water relatives that mean more to me than anything. Sometimes I wonder which is which and which is more important. Honestly, I do not know. I am part of the O’Brien family. I am part of the Walker family. I am part of the Bacorn family. I belong to the Herz Family . I belonged to the Stephens Family. I feel like at times, I like one family more than the other. But I know in my heart I love them all equally. Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to not be from a broken home. But then I think if I wasn’t from a broken home I wouldn’t have all these wonderful families in my life. It is a difficult subject for me as you never want to piss off anyone in your family. But when you come from five different families this question of blood versus water is impossible to answer. You can’t help but Wonder. But then you feel terrible for even wondering. After I get stem cells I plan on writing a memoir. Mostly about my life with multiple sclerosis.I have had symptoms of multiple sclerosis as early as the shots I was given as a baby. I realized when you write a memoir you must give a little bit of a backstory. However, I worry so much that I will piss off someone from one of my family. But I will be honest to the extent of what I remember and try not to piss anyone off. For me, I guess the only answer is blood and water does not make a difference. It is who you are that makes a difference. It is the lives you touched and the lives that have touched you. I cannot pick a side. I hear so often that blood is thicker than water, and I honestly believe it’s kind of bullshit. I guess I will let you decide for yourself when you read my memoir. But I have a feeling you’ll come to the same conclusion as I have.
