Waiting for mother to take me to doctors. Always waiting. I’m in no hurry.

Too many problems.symptoms.issues…bit confused;

I’ve learned to just wait,don’t scurry.

Look at photos,social media,until amused.

Stop thinking of the pain.

Don’t worry,you’re still alive.

Stop thinking or you’ll go insane!

Think happy thoughts…of when you could drive!

Think of cheer-leading,hell,think of walking!

Think of independence. think of no phone or 911!

Think of thick curly hair and clear talking;

Think of not needing anyone.

Dream of a world where I’m self-sufficient;alone.

No one to bother,or to call on the phone.

No one to have to take care of me!

I want to do this job,you see.

I’m afraid if I wish it;I’ll get just that!

no mother,husband,friends, just me&my cat.

It’s so hard to go from teacher to fatally ill, you know?

Fuck it. It’s time to take my experimental abagio.

Might work. Or my new bald head will glow!

Everyone will think I had Chemo.

Who cares.If it works, I’ll buy a wig.

Hope I gain weight,I look like a twig.

So depressed I want to ‘renig’,

On EVERYTHING! someone give me a cig.

I don’t mean that,sigh,I’m a mom now too.

I’d do anything to protect her from YOU!

YOU are illness. Pain. My personal favorite; M.S.

Hurt my kid-I’ll beyond protest!

I will kill you.Don’t know how,but I will.

So I take this experimental pill.

I take it for her;I matter not you see.

I just want her life to be pain free!

As I wait for my mom;it occurs to me;

She probably dreamed the same things for me!

Now I leave my child you see;

To be,live, BE the best parts of me.

My genes need a cure for my family to be free.

Free of this mess. Created by my family tree.

no time to wonder; It’s time to go!

Time for doctor to hear of my woe.

Think something happy. No worry. No care.

Oh screw that,I’m dieing…

…but at least I have hair.