I am tapering off my pain medication. I can’t stand having opiates in my body anymore. But unfortunately, I am absolutely miserable. I am in so much pain, but I’m just dealing with it. I don’t want to put opiates in my body anymore, but the doctor will not prescribe me any other pain medication
So I have been meditating a lot. And it does seemed to help. I used to meditate when I was younger, and I’m hoping I can get to the same state of mind I was able to get to when I was younger. Unfortunately, my mind wanders now. And I used to be able to see clearly, now all I do is focus on the things I still need to get done in life. So, Eastern medicine isn’t working. And I’m trying to stay away from Western medicine. so basically, I am fucked. all I can do is wait. hope stem cells grow new neural pathways
I am at the mercy of experimental medication. I hope it works. It cost me an awful lot of money. It’s my last chance oh, I will not give up. I will not surrender. I will not let multiple sclerosis defeat me.
Read this with your eyes wide shut. For that is the way I have to view it. My eyes now shake back and forth and it is the worst blindness in the world.
I have had multiple sclerosis for well over 20 years. I have had multiple sclerosis for a longer than half of my life. Every time I have a new attack I would look up at the ceiling and ask. What else can you take from me Lord? And I would always regret doing this for he would later on take something else from me. I have gotten stem cells and things seem to be getting better. And they are. I am much stronger. And they appear to be working on some level. However right now my eyes shake back and forth. I cannot see anything straight on. When I went blind in one eye it was less horrible than this is. When you go blind you just can’t see. This is cruel. You can see. But you really can’t. You cannot read. I cannot read the words I am saying right now into a microphone. So you have to forgive me on my grammar. They also cause me to have severe migraines. A permanent headache all the time. The cruelest part of all is wondering if your stem cell transplant really helped. I know that it has helped my body in so many ways.. I have this other despair that perhaps they didn’t help as much as I was hoping. I guess I should be happy I am not completely blind. For and looking over this blog I see a couple errors. However I am in no way can fix them because my hand shake and I cannot touch the word. This is such a cruel disease I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. Okay that is a lie I would totally wish it upon my worst enemy. Lucky for me I do not have any enemies. I do wish that my vision would come back. And then Monday my husband is making me call the neurologist. I have been putting it off because calling my neurologist is it mitting that I still have new multiple sclerosis symptoms. I’m hoping I can blame my optic neuritis which I was diagnosed with due to multiple sclerosis.. my husband just came in the room and told me the name of my eyes twitching. I can’t think of it right now as I write this but one of the remedies for it is a drug called baclofen. Which I am I now and have been for a while. Another drug which treat said it’s called Neurontin. I was on Neurontin for 13 years and was taken off of it by my neurologist for making my eyes go cross. You cannot help but laugh. So the treatment that I need for my eyes is the same medicine I went off of because it was affecting and hurting my eyes. I hate this damn disease. I hate it more than anything. I can’t say that it is killing me slowly anymore it is simply just making my life on livable. I always try to find the good in everything. But right now I am really struggling guys. I mean really. How can the treatment be the problem? My disease makes no sense. At least when you have a certain cancer it makes sense. You have cancer cells. They’re either benign or malignant. But when you have multiple sclerosis. A disease that is a disease. Your own body is attacking itself and it does not make any sense. I know there are a ton of errors and this blog. I hope it makes sense to some of you. I know my voice application has picked up the wrong words for certain words but there is nothing I can do about it. I do apologize my friends. I simply have to send out my EDD grivation into the void of the world. There has to be a purpose for everything right? Well I call Big that b*******. There can’t possibly be a purpose for this terrible disease. Well if you have gotten this far reading it then you’ve done better than I have. Because I cannot see any of the words I have written. Peace and love to you all my friends. Let us hope my eyes will someday stop twitching. If I get lucky I’ll wake up and be missing an arm. I think that would be easier to accept. No I take that back every time I say something like that something bad happens to me. So I just sent this out into an empty void and I remind you to love yourselves and love your eyes. But not if they shake back and forth. You are better off blind. Take it from me I have been blind before and I know this to be true.
Update for all of you on my life with Progressive multiple sclerosis and stem cell treatment.