I just want to be me

I just want to be me.

I just want to be free.

Free to watch and free to run

Free to drive towards the Setting Sun.

Truth is I want to be just like you..

I want to do all the things that you do.

You all take for granted so very much.

I can’t even feel my own toes with my touch.

My family and my husband have done everything to cure me of my m. S..

We have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars at doctor’s requests.

It’s like being on this terrible ride that you just cannot get off.

I go up. I go down. But I never have just a simple cough.

I don’t remember how to write my name. And I’m so very lonely you see.

No one understands. No one except me.

I am supposed to be grateful for the things that I have.

But needing help from them all the time just makes me feel so very sad.

Why God gave me this disease I’m really not sure.

The only guarantee in life I have is that more pain will occur.

God only gives you the pain you can take.

But after 38 years I honestly feel like I deserve a break!

How much more of my life filled with pain will I make?

I just want a one day vacation for goodness sake.

I have much but I feel so alone.

All these years with m. S. I have learned and grown.

I think about that every second of the day.

But I tried to find Hope. As I sit and cry and pray.

I know that someone else always has it worse than you.

But sometimes I feel that this simply isn’t true.

You live by emotions. That would make me insane.

I simply live with the monotony of pain.

In this infinite Universe there has to be a plan for me.

I just cannot grasp it. I just cannot see.

My eyes shake back and forth now. So I mean this literally.

Maybe someday in death I will truly be free… Maybe.

Peace and love Laurelin🌻