I have had enough

Times are rough and tough.

I have gained over 30 lbs.

I needed the weight . By being on all the steroids is harder than it sounds.

I simply cannot think straight. My mind is gone at any rate.

I am always so tired I just want to sedate.

I have totally lost a sense of myself. I simply am not me.

I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize who I see.

My breasts are twice the size and that is nice.

But so is everything else on my body. So steroids make me think twice.

I have always had body dysmorphia. And I thought it went away.

Apparently I still have it even today.

Everyone says you look better. That you look like you should.

But all I see is fat in the mirror. And it doesn’t make me feel good..

My looks. My weight. My book of life is in constant change.

I just want to be thin. But my looks, I have no control and I cannot rearrange.

I cannot control multiple sclerosis. But I always could control my weight.

This loss of control I absolutely hate.

I struggle so much with vanity. Why do I care so much what others think of me?

For goodness sakes I piss and poop in a pot. Why do I care what people see?

I’m 37 years old. I am married with a child. There is no time in my life to throw a fit.

But I still look in that damn mirror and I feel like absol,ute s***.

My daughter is almost 7 and already cries over her fat.

This is society’s fault. And we have to wonder what is up with that?

My daughter is beautiful. So am I. And so are you.

Fuck the magazines., those women are all airbrushed. Not a picture is true.

Let’s make a promise right here and right now.

We are all beautiful snowflakes. And none of us deserve to be called a cow.

They always say beauty is on the inside. But when you fall in love it is all about looks.

It takes time to see that inner beauty. For that is the bait that really gets us hooked.

All we can do is teach our children well.

Hope that they have high self-esteem. And in their mind they hear a little bell.

That goes off when bullies approach. For children can be so damn cruel..

Teach them to be strong when you send them off to school.

If you are like me ,in the meantime ,simply don’t step on that scale.

Then you don’t know the number. Even if you feel like a giant whale.

Don’t pay attention to the magazines. The diets and the things you have read.

Because I promise you. I promise you. Most of it is simply just in your head.

Peace and love Laurelin🌻