Sometimes, it is awfully hard to be the best you you can be.
Do you know that song, anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you. No you can’t. Yes I can… Excetera excetera excetera
I feel the exact opposite today. I cannot do anything you can do. I will never walk again with a cane. I am lucky just to be walking with a walker around my house. And I am also grateful. And I should be all so grateful. But sometimes… I am not that grateful. I am just jealous. I am jealous of you. I don’t even know you, but I am jealous of you.
In life, you should strive to be the best you you can be. But what if the best you, is a disabled woman who is lucky to have healthy arms. I can’t be the best me when I don’t have legs that work. And I’m deeply struggling with having gratitude in my attitude. Which is really strange for me, because I am an extremely positive person! You truly don’t get much happier than me. Until today. Why can’t I make this jealousy go away?
I know, I know, someone always has it worse. Someone out there is struggling with serious issues. I know, I know, so why am I feeling this terrible Green Monster?! Life is, what it is, and I just have to accept that. I have always struggled with acceptance. Especially when it comes to my disability. Because all any of us really want, is to be like everyone else. It’s funny, when you are a teenager, all you want is to be different. To stand out from the crowd. At my age now, all I want is to be like everyone else.
But I’m not like everyone else. I am in a wheelchair. And apparently, that alone should make me happy. I am alive. I am relatively safe and happy and healthy. But I have so much jealousy and frustration in my heart right now oh, and I simply don’t know what to do with it.
This is a completely pointless blog. I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. And putting it out into the void. Into that vast space of nothingness. Hoping that it will mean something. Knowing that it will not. What do you do when you have days like this? Do you sit and feel sorry for yourself? Do you Ponder? Or do you go on WordPress and write it down, hoping that just perhaps for a second things will be all right.
I am word pressing this again because my voice application wrote freezing instead of breathing. The last line of the blog makes all the difference. And that little mess up really screwed it up
I Carpe Diem everyday. In fact, every breath I take I seize the day. Right now I am bedridden. I am until Tuesday, when I get an Iron Infusion. I am very weak right now, due to lack of iron in my blood. But don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am so very grateful. Grateful to be alive. Yes, I am stuck in my bed. I have pressure ulcers on my derriere oh, not too comfortable. But let me tell you, it is so much better than where I could be. Once you die, and come back, you will appreciate everything. I am so grateful to watch tfewhe vegetation grow outside. I’m so grateful for my family for just everything
Everything, is just so wonderful. Why anything negative stand in the way of enjoying life. You are so lucky to experience life. Even when things suck, things are awesome. So I write this little blog to you, to remind you, that Carpe Diem is not just a statement. Seizing the day can be as simple as breathing.. Just give yourself a chance to realize that