Fly on the wall

, it must be quite fun being a fly on the wall. I am sure that you hear things ugly and beautiful or small



The pen is mightier than the sword

Words can hurt. Words have power. I am always telling my daughter to be very careful with the words she uses because they have power. I try to never swear other than on my blog. I try to be very delicate with my wording. I often lose control and blow off steam when I should not. But I am always the first to admit wrongdoing. This goes for other people too. People do not know how much their words hurt me. I stick 2 them and everything they say. There is one thing my father has always said to me that has always stuck with me. When you give a gift you should not expect anything in return. You should just feel good about giving the gift. I must admit I have been having some troubles with my multiple sclerosis. troubles happen it painful when I think I have let people down. It is even worse when they tell me I have basically let them down. I have no control over my body. People think that because I occasionally smoke a cigarette that it is the reason for my body not working. This is absolutely not true. The two have nothing to do with each other. And I used to smoke marijuana like crazy and I gave it up a long time ago. I try to stay as healthy as possible but stem cells are not overnight fix. I feel like I have let people down that I have taken out loans for me to get themselves or have invested money in my go fund me page. I have seen amazing results but I still do have bad days. When I do have these bad days I do not need to hear negativity. It only makes things worse. I must stay in a positive frame of mind. And I certainly don’t need to be reminded of how much people have tried to help me. If the shoe was on the other foot I would do the same thing. With the exception of the cruel words. Sometimes people don’t even realize that they are being cruel. I understand this. It is not only human nature but it is frustrating for other people as well. I know so many people. People that have thought I would see overnight Improvement. It does not work that way. It takes years. My brain needs to grow new neural Pathways in order for certain nerves in my body to work again. It is frustrating for not just me but the people who have tried to help me. But even when I try to explain this to people they don’t seem to understand. I feel lost in this fog of emotion. The pen is mightier than the sword. You might as well be stabbing me in the back with your words that cut me down. But I must remain positive. I must be steadfast and believing that stem cells are going to work throughout the years. I must not given to the daggers of other people’s words. So I tell all of you my friends to be careful what you say. I know I am human and I slip up to. Or try to walk in the other person shoes. It is a lot harder than people think. Peace and love and good health to all of you my friends.


One of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is to make amends whenever possible unless it will hurt someone. I have been sober of everything except for prescribed medication for over 10 years. Today I made amends by writing a letter to someone and apologizing for something that happened over 8 years ago. I still very much dislike this person. But I must say a weight was taken off my shoulders. It does not mean in any way I will ever forgive this person for the wrong doings that they have done to myself and my family. But I made amends for my own heart. For my own sanity I had to admit my fault. I must admit this person has done far more harm to me and my family. But I did wrong too. And it in no way makes what I did all right. I swore to myself that at the start of this January I would try to be a better person. To be the best person that I can be. Now that I am a mother of a seven-year-old. I want to set a good example for my daughter. How could I set a good example when I was harming someone else? This letter that I wrote to a certain person I’m sure has long been forgotten. But it really pissed that person off. It was uncalled for and I needed to right my wrong. I must say that it truly does feel much better to apologize when it’s so much easier to hold on to the Hate in Your Heart. Believe me I am very good at holding a grudge. It is the Carpathian Russian and me. We can hold onto a grudge like it’s no one’s business. But a grudge does nothing except for hold you down. It is a waste of energy. There is so much in this world that you can invest your energy into that isn’t black. I don’t want to live with any negativity in my aura or my life. So I chose to apologize although I have been wronged very deeply by this family. I never thought that I would feel so good about apologizing to this person. So I share this with you my friends. If you can do right by someone then you are doing right to yourself. It truly is a miraculous thing. After all the help I got getting stem cells in Mexico for multiple sclerosis I need to live in the light. Not in the Darkness. For the darkness you cannot see it. It keeps you blind from who you really are. I hope you will all shine brightly. And live in the light. For it is far too dark to live with negativity. Just let go of it. I finally realize that making amends is not just for that person but it is really for your own well-being. Hopefully I will not have to make amends to anyone in the future. Hopefully I can continue to walk in the light. Because when you’re walking and negativity and darkness all that happens is you walk into a wall. And let’s face it it hurts a lot when you walk into a wall. Keep your eyes open and walk in the light of positivity. I hope and doing so my stem cells have a better chance of growing new neural pathways. I dream my body will someday be cured from this horrible disease. But if multiple sclerosis is the path that I am meant to live with at least I will know I am living with it truly feeling that I have done the best I could possibly do. And that’s all we can really hope for in this world. Be the best you that you can be

, peace and love Laurelin 🌻