The road is long

The road is long and straight and seems to go nowhere. Maybe it goes to Oblivion. We do not know. But we are on that road. And that road is long.

I am having serious issues today. I am not suicidal but I think about it all the time. I think about how I’m too much of a coward to ever do it. I think about how I could never be without my child. And then I just get mad. It’s Curious that I don’t go anywhere, I only sit upon this bed. Yet at the same time I am on that road. Traveling, to where I don’t know. But I know that road is long.

The longer you are on that road, the sooner you want to get off it. It is a long journey. It’s painful. It’s boring. But most importantly it is long.

I find myself struggling to stay on the road. Yet, it is impossible for me to get off the road. To some of them on the road things are going smoothly. For others they just want it to end. My ride is boring. Seems to go nowhere. But I Keep On Truckin. How long do I have to do this?

The road is long. With many a winding turn. That leads us to who, who knows where, who knows when. That is from the song He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother. It just popped in my head. I guess we knew about this road even back then. And even back then that road is long.

It is not up to us to decide when we get off the road. We aren’t even sure whose plan it is. We aren’t even sure if there is a plan at all. All we know is that there is a road. And it is terribly long!

I wish I knew where the road went. I wish I knew when I could get off. I wish for a lot of things, but I don’t get a lot of wishes that come true. I get a lot of, insert explicit language.

I suppose this blog will stop here. Because it’s not getting any happier. And I was trying to put a smile on my face. But I cannot today, I will just keep trucking. You Keep On Truckin too. Eventually we will find the end of the road

Engagement

How do I keep you engaged? Do you want a happy poem? Do you want some positivity? Let me know how to keep you engaged.

What is a happy thought without a little rage?

To feel total and utter Bliss.

One has to remember and miss

What led them down this path.

Chances are, it was a little Wrath.

Did this engage you? Tell me why? And don’t lie! I really want to know.

So I can keep you reading. And maybe my blog will grow.

Just tell me what to write. I’m a people pleaser. Live for the alcolade.

In interest, it’s not about the friends I’ve made.

Sometimes it’s about the connection. Sometimes it’s about the praise.

Whatever’s the reason your attention I want to raise.

Will you remember me? My name is l a u r e l i n. I hope you will be in my friend.

Chances are, you already are if you read this poem to the end.

Thanks for the engagement. Thanks for the time.

I will be back tomorrow, folks, with a different rhyme

The middle

I have often been called a radical. I am realizing as a age, that I am not. I do not like people to put me in a box. Check me off. I am not a box. I am more in the middle

I very much support b l m. And their protest. Do not nor will I ever support looters, or destruction of property. Usually the things that happened in the darkness of night at BLM protest. Daytime was peaceful. no I do not support destruction of property

I very much support the First Amendment. I am vaccinated and boosted. But I respect everyone’s right no, I am not a supporter of the freedom Convoy in Canada. But I’m not against it. My problem is what is happening at night. Honking your horns waking up children and elderly. That is my problem. Be respectful..

Now that I have explained this, know that I am a lefty. I am a Democrat. But my wits are more in the middle. There seems to be a lot less of us! We need to remember no matter our political affiliation we are all Americans. Somewhere else we forgot this. This is how Civil Wars begin. Do not turn against your brother. Do not look at yourself as red or blue or purple. Look at yourself as a member of this country. Because that’s the way I look at all of you.

It is getting harder and harder to be in the middle. I really try to see both sides. I really try to have them know that I see you. I tried to have compassion. I try to understand. But I don’t understand cruelty, waking up Neighbors in the dead of night, whether it’s from a trunk honking or someone taking advantage of BLM protest it night. Be respectful. You wouldn’t want someone waking you up in the middle of the night, so don’t do it to them. It should be pretty simple. We have forgotten to treat each other with kindness.

Yes, I am a Democrat and a lefty, but I tried to be in the middle. It’s so hard. Lefty’s get mad at me when I say oh, don’t be so hard on them. Right-wingers get mad when I say, don’t be so hard on them. Remember we are all on the same side. The American side. I don’t want to live in two Americas. Do you? Cuz we are headed towards Civil War oh, and I don’t want to go there. The last one killed a lot of people. Let’s not go there. Let’s stop this madness now.

Nothing wrong with being a conservative or a republican. Nothing wrong with being a Democrat or a liberal like me. But somewhere along the way you have to view things from The Middle. You have to. We must all get along. When we start seeing ourselves as an R or a d, or blue or red, it’s getting dangerous. I am blue, but I respect the red. Therefore I try to always View things from The Middle.

Ahora

When shit gets you down, use your brain.

Maybe you will think of a Snappy refrain.

But mostly, you just are trying not to go fucking insane

The time is ahora. I like your wrists

The time is now. The time never quits.

But time moves fast. You need some s l i t s

Not what you expect coming from me.

Time is of the essence you see.

And my mind really Want to Be Free

Free of my evil Ms body

Ms took my body. My mind is still anyone’s guess

And I simply cannot attest. Why I’m in this effing mess?

I don’t know what to do. I Ponder. I j e s t

The time is now. Always now. No future in sight

Time to do it now, time to make things right

Finally tell the truth with all your might

The time is now. Scared shiftless at 41

Don’t remember life without MS. Did you know I could run?

Me neither. I’m forgetting. I used to be fun

Don’t worry, I’m too chickenshit. I am always right here

I battle my demons. I ignore the fear

I know that the answer is obviously clear.

Don’t wait. For anything. Ever.

Whatever it is that storm you can weather

If you need someone, I’m here. We’ll do it together.

Don’t wait like I did. Your moment is now

Just do it. Don’t wait. Wipe the sweat from your brow

Find something beautiful. A poem. A flora.

Carpe Diem. Do it a h o r a

Hedonism

More and more people do not believe in God. This is the first generation that does not affiliate with any religion. Religion is in the minority for once. And I can’t help but Wonder, does this make the world better or worse?

When I first joined AA over 15 years ago, they told us we had to pick a higher power. Even if we made our higher power the table in front of us, that was okay. We just had to give her power to someone else.

Why is today no different? I have to be honest, most of my friends do not believe in God. My father is an atheist. I was raised with both religion and without it. So I guess I got the Best of Both Worlds? Either that or it left me very confused.

Talking with a scientist online about the formation of the Galaxy and universe. Big Bang Theory. String Theory. Black hole Theory. You know, fun stuff. When I was a kid we all believed Big Bang Theory. But this scientist told me it does not hold scientific weight. I think because of God. He said in order for Big Bang to occur, there has to be a Creator. And most people are moving away from the idea of a creator. He kind of made me feel stupid for still believing in God. And I realize, that I cannot have this discussion was people anymore. I have to keep my beliefs to myself.

Okay, I can accept I might be wrong. I still believe in God, but I can accept there might not be one. Why can’t non-believers accept that there might be one? This fundamental question has been bothering me for a while. And I cannot bring it up on social media. So I bring it up here, on my blog, where it is safe.