A new life

I am not quite right, in my head.

I think I will just lie down instead.

Too hard to live. I’ve already been dead.

Don’t go down the path that I have lead.

My past will always lead you astray.

If we happen to meet on this path, get out of my way.

I always choose wrong, most would say.

And it’s not looking brighter or better today.

I thought that when my heart stopped beating I would finally get smart.

But no. Not that I. I still think with my stupid heart.

I should know by now my heart will let me down.

It could stop beating any minute, I say with a frown.

I think it is time for me to get out of this damn town.

I feel stifled here. Like my world is upside down.

When your heart stops beating, you wake up and you’re not you.

How do you explain it. I cannot. And I don’t know what to do?

How do you tell loved ones, you don’t believe their lies to be true?

Truth is I’m not the same person. And it does make me feel blue.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. But that girl just is not me.

I need to fly. I need to grow. I simply need to feel free.

I’m a tree-hugging hippie. Hell I’m named after a tree!

I need freedom. And I truly just need honesty.

Truth is, I am just not happy.

I don’t want Water Works. And I don’t want to be sappy.

I died at 38. But I came back. This Resurrection must have a reason.

But I don’t know up from down. Or when it’s the right season.

Do I hold it inside? If I do I might implode!

But if I let it out, I’m afraid I will explode

I can’t decide now. And honestly I don’t know what to say.

I guess I will keep it inside for just one more day.

.

Peace and love laurelin

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