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Equal

When you are in a committed relationship with another person you tell yourself you are equal. This is absolutely never true. One of you is always better looking. One of you is always a little smarter. One of you is more desirable to the opposite sex. One of you makes more money than the other. One of you is always older than the other. But you tell yourself you are equal. Equality is a luxury that we cannot afford anymore. We are living the LIE. We are living the lie because it is easier then  admitting the truth. No one wants to admit that they are less smart than their partner. No one wants to admit that they’re not as good looking as their partner. If you stay home and do not make money you tell yourself that your value is the same as your partner. But ask yourself who is the one that files taxes? And who is the one who actually ends up with all of the tax money? Even if you split it directly and 1/2 you each spend the money in different ways. One of you might be wise and save it. One of you might blow it all at the racetrack. Either way you are not equal. It is easier in life to live the lie then admit the truth. Humanity as a whole has always struggled with this. Even more so we struggle with who is right and who is wrong. We like to always think we are in the right. We like to think that we had admit we are wrong when we are. But the truth is none of us are ever as honest as we think we are. You will never be equal. Even if you are equal in the fact that you can both vote only one of you are going to win. Unless you both vote the same way then you are either winners or losers. Or you lied to your mate about who you were going to vote for. The question now becomes which one are you? Do you think you are the smarter one? Do you think you have the looks? Do you think you have what it takes to make it on your own? No matter what your answer is it just proves my point further. That we are never equal. Even in a utopian society there can never be equality. I’m sure that is why there has never been a utopian society. It was doomed to fail before it began. Perhaps it is time to stop seeing ourselves as equal. Not to put one above the other. But instead to just view ourselves as individuals. They say once you get married that you are one. But you never really can take away that individuality. And perhaps we should not. Perhaps we should simply be happy with the one. Instead of striving for equality just admit that there is none but the one. This way you are never less then. You are never better than. You are simply individual. And it is this individuality that makes you so unique and awesome. Stop striving for equality and strive to be the best one you can be. 4 then the two can become the best two they can be. But it starts with not living the LIE. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your mate. Be honest with everyone. Even as I write this I know I will not let go of that lie. I do not think any of us really can without being a saint. I think it is the LIE which makes the to work. I think sometimes honesty might just be overrated. Yes we should be honest with each other. But it is a fine line that we walk on. It is a line that can easily break or be corrupted. So in all honesty I think I will continue to live the LIE. The lie keeps me safe. The LIE keeps me comfortable. I am afraid of what the truth might tell me. I might just be less than in all aspects. If I am there is one thing at least I know that I am sure of. I am 6 months younger than my husband. And I will always be the youngest. So at least I win on one account.

Peace and love Laurelin🌻

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Hsct stem stem cell transplant one year post

A disease has stopped progressing. But my disease is still there. I live in New York and the winter brings on multiple sclerosis symptoms very badly. I am much stronger. And I have gained 30 pounds mostly in muscle. I can get in and out of bed on my own. I can get on and off the commode on my own. I still cannot walk without a walker but I do not use my wheelchair and anymore. I thought I would to be farther along after a year. I think both my husband and myself were hoping for a miracle. But the fact that it has stopped at the progression has at least alone saved my life. The doctor and Mexico said that I would not know my results until about 3 years post. I don’t know how much more I will get in healthy here but I hope I will be. I am still hoping for that miracle. I hope I get a little more out of this then I have but I cannot complain. For it has stopped at the progression of my disease. And it is still possible that new neural Pathways can grow from my brain to my nerves. A big problem is my sense of balance. Unfortunately that is all in the inner ear and I must just hope for new neural Pathways to grow. I must stay optimistic. Everyone says I look much healthier. It is difficult for me as I have body dysmorphia and I can no longer see my ribs. Which of course makes me feel fat when I know I am not. So I try to avoid the mirror and my husband is buying me new pants for Christmas as none of mine fit me. Stem cells have definitely been a Journey. And a journey I would do again as if I had not gotten them I may be bed ridden by now and I am not. So I have to keep my hopes up. I don’t have to keep dreaming of a bright future. But after one year I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. I know I should not. I should just be grateful. But I don’t think I will ever have a normal life that everyone else hats. Not hats hey it’s not hats my voice application is screwing up sorry about that guys. Anyways stem cells are still a great thing. I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis for 20 years and I wish they had been unavailable when I was younger. I probably could have stopped and then. But America is so blinded by the pharmaceutical companies that instead they made me a guinea pig for all types of the medications that did not work. I am a very grateful woman with multiple sclerosis today. I am not trying to sound like I am not grateful. I just hope and pray that my white blood cells keep dividing and grow new neural Pathways and I see a little more from my procedure. I still have very short hair. And it has grown in super curly from chemotherapy. Long beautiful hair. But it least at age 37 I don’t have any gray hairs yet and I am grateful for that. My bowels and my bladder still work on and off. Because I am still on opioid medication it is hard to truly see the success of my bowels. Bernie. & a journey I would do with God as this I had not gotten them I may be bedridden by now and I am NOT so I have to keep my hopes up I need to keep dreaming of a break future but after one year I can’t help but feel a little disappointed I know I should not I should just be grateful. I don’t think I will ever have the normal life that I have for you want to help that has not had had is not hat my voice application is growing up sorry about that guys anyways themselves are still a great thing I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis for 20 years and I think had available f***** probably precious Americas so blinded by the pharmaceutical companies that didn’t send me a guinea pig for all types of that kitchen work I am a very grateful that supposed to closest to say like I’m grateful I just hope pray that my white blood cells keep fighting and grow girl pathways and that he left my procedure I still have very short hair and it has probably from therapy over I miss my very long beautiful hair but at least at 8:37 I don’t have any gray hairs yet and I am grateful for that my bowels and my bladder still work on and off because I am still on opiate medication it is hard to truly see the success of my bowels but my bladder definitely works better overall I would go back to Mexico in a second it was completely worth it I just hope that post two years I will have more healthy stories to share with you keep your eyes on the prize my friends and never give up and never surrender we cannot let anything for it we all only got one I don’t is now 7 years old he is constantly asking her teacher to go to the nurses office I am worried it is because her mother is sick but you might just be trying to get out of work and that’s what I’d like to think it is she has such a strong little soul and I am so grateful to have her and an amazing husband I believe I would have made it better be in good health all of my friends I will keep you updated as the month progressed hopefully I will have every time the progression has stopped. And that is some miracle so great thank you to all we have supported me and it is for me to go to Mexico me so much to me power of community continue to keep you all updated. Peace and love Laurelin🌻 it’s always I apologize for grammatical errors as I still must use a voice application and cannot type or write yet. But hopefully I will someday.