1 Comment Posted on poetry

The paradox

‘In the beginning there was darkness. And God separated the light from the darkness.’ Light must be the beginning of creation. Darkness, therefor; death. When we think of Heaven; we think of light. Pearly gates. Bright angles with bright halos. Why then is white snow often symbolic of death? Example; Robert Frost in ” Stopping by woods on a snowy evening.” I find this quite a paradox. Death, for me, is white. The great sleep. The great unknown. The answer to ‘”why are we here?” I think of death often and it comforts me. No more pain. The meaning of life. Quit, still, comfort. My husband hates that I’m constantly thinking of where I will be buried. I just want a good spot! Plus, I do not want to leave my child with burden. Everyone seems to fear death. THE END. I see it as the beginning! What an exciting adventure! Granted, I never pray for death, but I do pray for the physical pain to stop…would that not be death? Again; we are left with a paradox. Maybe the meaning of life is to understand this confusion. Perhaps it is different for everyone. Maybe the atheists had it right; and the religious are the fools. One day we all will know…or not. Maybe we just push up daisies. Either way, enjoy the now. Carpe diem. It’s gone in a flash! As Frost says, “Nothing Gold Can Stay.” My 35 years on Earth just leaves me more confused and in more pain every day. So many more are in worse pain than me! I want the answer. I can’t stand it! WHY so much pain to these specks of stardust called ‘humanity.’ We are a curious species. This self will thing is tough, Being AWARE is tougher. The bird doesn’t know it’s a bird. It’s just a bird. How lucky and cursed we are. To be human comes with a cost. The cost is being aware. Being curious. Never just being. The paradox continues. Today, try just being. It’s harder than you think. The paradox is always there, and it plaques this poet’s mind. When I find out the answer to these questions I will be long gone. “Nothing Gold Can Stay” even me. Though, I’m pretty sure I’m Purple not gold. So who knows? Have a great life and don’t think of the paradox. We’ll all find out (or not) eventually.

1 Comment Posted on multiple sclerosis

Be your own Dr.

Now don’t get me wrong;doctors are great; sometimes. I have had m.s. over half my life;I’m a pro at it. As you see with my progressive diagnosis in my featured pic, THERE’S NOT MUCH HELP YET FOR US. I’m currently looking for a new neurologist. I LOVE my old one, but he’s far and his time is limited. My new one argued not for me to call my m.s. progressive, as insurance doesn’t like to medicate. They know I have progressive. It never has been a problem. He goes against what my doc of 15 yrs knows about me. ALL docs do this. I have many diagnosis throughout the years. All docs are good for me lately is prescriptions and being macho-‘that Dr is wrong, I am right’! Please docs, get over yourselves! Listen to your patients. My body knows me better than you do. So my advise friends, is take EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt. Listen your body and voice your opinion. Remember; YOU pay them. They may know a text book. YOU know you. They are important,but they are not God. Beware the once that think they are.Peace-n-love and good health!

Leave a comment Posted on poetry

Why I stink at blogging

This is my first ‘written’ blog on poetry.I’ve been sitting here looking at the screen. All I keep thinking is; this is boring. Why would anyone care about what I think of poetry? Further more, why would I read any blog? No one is that interesting to me. I’d rather write a poem about anything; like penguins. Three of them having a conversation. What do penguins talk about? Why other penguins of course! Or maybe fish. This is too difficult. I’m going back to being a poet. I appreciate bloggers. No wonder they all talk of food or fashion.
I like the sea kale
I prefer the sea small fish
I think sea shrimp best
yeah,it’s a haiku about penguins. I so suck at blogging.-L. O’Brien

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

BE AFRAID

My phone say’s I can send pictures to my blog,

Yet,I spent hours following directions;

And my brain’s now in a fog.

Microsoft “word” underlines inperfections.

I must be doing something wrong.

We have use wifi in every room.

Still trying to grasp what could reach so long!

Told it’s cables under ground.Satellites,perhaps? I assume?….

I understand nothing past AM/FM radio waves.

Phone lines I get, Television…still confused.

I think I’m no different from the men in caves;

If they saw “internet” they’d too,be highly amused.

All these gifts of technology,I take for granted; I know.

But do YOU understand it?!

Maybe yes. Maybe no;But history does show;

Technology is great. I like electricity; I admit.

But I learned how that worked with a potato freshmen year.

All this entertainment,we laugh! We YELL, we tear.

Yet,I don’t understand it. So I bet many don’t I fear.

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

A…for that

a … for that

October 7, 2013 at 3:47pm

 

Body aches.mind awirl…there’s a pill for that

can’t sleep.wide awake…there’s a pill for that

socially awkward.ADD…there’s a pill for that

ignorant.uninformed…there’s a book for that

question.concern…there’s google for that

cruel.unkind.inhumane..there’s no place for that

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

Modern English…I think? (written today 7-31-2014)

I am the worst speller. I guess in the wild west my grammer’d be ‘yeller’

I actually became an English teacher; even with spelling not being my best feature.

Yes, NY state did declare; my ability to teach it did seam fare.

By now,you ,should’ve noticed this poem is an mess.Come grammar and spelling it was just test.

How many errors did you notice; three maybe two?

Let’s try something else and see what you do;

I’m @comp right now, but brb. My bff texted & had a smack.

from her cell phone, while texting. She’s under attack!

Fb,twitter,Goggle, an e-mail from who?

She’s so confused,’ I don’t know what to do!’

Be calm, I write, now put down the phone.

You need to CALL,I text; with a groan.

She shs and texts ;’WTF!-there’s a knock at my door, , my bf’s at work until 4!’

She answers the door with a lol!; It’s just me visiting…modern English annoys me; can’t you tell.

 

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

Lab rat (written today July 24 2014)

I was diagnosed with m.s. when the only treatment was interferon medication. Terrible stuff.worse than disease.

Every time new one is FDA approved I go on it;just work this time PLEASE

I am tough.Pain doesn’t exist in my vocabulary.But would like to see my child grow-up.

Just give me something that works and doesn’t make me go throw-up!

I know I’m a study. Utterly fascinating I bet!

I jest,but if it works-forever in science’s debt.

So sick of being sick!-I scream with a smile.

Pretty sure I won’t kick the bucket for awhile.

It’d be nice to have memory,not shake,talk right or walk,

But all these meds? I have to balk.

When is enough enough? When do I stop to fix,bother to try?

I tell you, friends, won’t stop til I DIE!

There’s too much to do,for both you and I;

So I say ‘hell with it.’ with a sigh;

Trust my doctors,for they wouldn’t lie….

Or maybe this lab rat just can’t idly sit by.

I am research;and if I do try…

Perhaps it will save another life, after I die.

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

Atrophy. Reality. and a bit of hope (written today,Jully 23 2014)

Once upon a time I was a cheerleader. A dancer. And could run.

Then M.S. came.I stopped cheering.stopped dancing.But I could walk.

You adjust. You heal. You find new fun.

Then m.s. came. And I slur when I talk.

Once upon a time I could walk. I could drive.

Then m.s. came. And I learned new ways to get by.

You cry.You yell.Friends leave you.But you learn to survive.

You recognize people will leave you, and sigh.

Then m.s. came.I could not stand,but could limp with walker.

You loss more people.The world turns into your house.

Then m.s. came. Now I’m not much of a talker.

You learn to use wheelchair.Get as thin as a mouse.

Then m.s. came.could not move at all.

You learn people are narcissistic who real friends are.

Once upon a time I had to crawl;too often I bruised from a fall.

Then m.s. came. Can’t lift child. Don’t go very far.

You learn to sit and think. and think. and think.and wait….

Then m.s. came. Nothing left to take.

So you think. and you think. and you just wait……

Think of crawling. Until you can crawl.

Think of standing. Make your own fate.

Protect yourself from that ill fated fall.

Once upon a time I relearned to stand.

Then m.s. came. And said ‘fuck it, no more.’

Think of walking. dream of driving.Learn to take helping hand.

Then m.s. came. and Think about going threw death’s door.

Don’t trust.just think and dream,and still try.

To LIVE.to laugh,love.Stop asking ‘why’?

In my dreams I can dance.walk drive.

In my dreams I WANT to stay alive.

So reality becomes dreams. And the “real’ ain’t so real.

I wake…and I can’t dance still,no matter how I feel;

It never ends! So dreams are my reality.

This life is just waiting for a m.s. fatality.

So I live there. It is a very nice place.

There; there is no droop in my face.

There; humans are kind. I love to sleep.

So you see,this is YOUR reality.My dreams I will keep.

Heavily guarded,for m.s. is not there!

Your reality has war,famine,illness, and no care.

Mine is much better,I’m here only for loved ones.

I ignore the news with death and big guns.

Once upon a time there was a girl named,  Laurelin.

She lives in a dream and is a happy woman.

Maybe your reality isn’t so real at all.

In mine we all eat,dance,don’t fight;we stand tall!

Next time you see someone in a wheelchair;

Remember my words,for they don’t really live there.