Prison has been romanticized on television a lot lately. There is nothing romantic about prison. I have personally never been to prison, but I know many people that have gone. In fact, I know many people that are still there. The only difference between me and the people in prison is I never got caught.

I live in My Own Prison. I have multiple sclerosis. I used to be a bar Hopper, a Cluber a raver, and a drug Smuggler

Now I have no working legs. Now all I have is social media. And thank God for that, or I would be screwed. If I ever stupid enough to be convicted of a crime, no prison would want me.

I wouldn’t need help with everything. Eating, bathing, dressing, using the bathroom. The only good thing God gave me was that I am extremely good-looking and extremely intelligent. I am a high school English teacher. But I have not taught in over 10 years. I had a child, it caused a serious multiple sclerosis attacked, and I no longer could work. I will never I will never regret having my daughter but that was the beginning of the end.

Now I wear a lot of black. I can’t wear makeup anymore, so I said fuck it. I am so grateful to be alive, but everyday I am In My Own Prison.

I am a poet, that has not written a poem since my cardiac arrest. I just don’t feel the inspiration. If ever you are if ever you are in the upstate New York area please visit me in prison. You don’t need an ID to check in, you can have or possess anything you want, just visit me in prison. Because Prison sucks. Whether or not you’re behind bars. The trick is, to fill your day with things that just passed the time who knows, maybe someday I’ll wear blue.

I had a memory pop up on Facebook from 4 years ago. It was a visit from one of my dear friends from childhood. Unfortunately, every time I see this picture, all I think of is the letter I received on the same day. A letter in which my dear friend told me how much she hates me. She told me how slighted I am. How selfish I am. And how I don’t care about anyone but myself. It was a terrible letter. And I wish I could erase it from my memory. Even now, she lives in Oregon, and I think about her everyday. I think about what I could have done differently. I think about how I could make this woman like me. But I cannot. Sometimes in life people just don’t like you. And you have to learn to accept that they will never like you. And that’s okay. You just need to be happy with yourself. It’s so easy to say. But it is so hard to do. Why can’t we just think for people? I want this girl to like me so much. But she never will. And I need to be okay with that. I don’t have a mind eraser. I can’t erase her from my conscious how can we as people learn that we simply can’t control others? Maybe politicians can, but I just don’t possess the knowledge to control others thoughts. Nor do I have the political smarts to manipulate what people think or feel. And I have to just accept it. Or I can just say screw that, hand me an eraser.

https://laurelinobrien.com/2019/10/20/ralphie/

A glimpse into my world.

Ralphie has followed me around my entire life. He is a pooka. Like Harvey the rabbit. Only I can see him oh, but I think it’s because the bastard is so fast. You see, Ralphie is a unicorn, and also a Pegasus. He flies around my room like crazy. Periodically he knocks things over. He just keeps fluttering around, never caring at all about the nuisance he causes.

Ralphie is 1 ft long and 6 inches tall. He has rainbow hair with Snow White fur. His hooves are quite interesting, like his hair it is rainbow colored but it has a metallic quality. I have tried to get him to stay still so I could get a good look, but all my efforts have been in vain.

When I was a child, and a vase would fall over and I would catch a glimpse of Ralphie, no one would believe me. So I quit saying it was him. I think my mother once said it was my imaginary friend,but I knew the truth. It was Ralphie! I have come to accept that he is here. And it’s okay that I’m the only one that sees him. Too often in life, we accept other people’s reality. Instead of focusing on our own.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of living in other people’s reality. I choose to live in my own reality. I deny yours, and accept mine. And the next time something gets knocked over in your house, Ralphie might have paid you a visit.

https://laurelinobrien.com/2019/10/12/unblock-me/

Social media makes it so we are plugged into the world. But what happens when the people you want to bug block you? It is quite aggravating and annoying. The only place you can really vent, is here, I’m your personal blog where no one can block you.

I, myself, just don’t see the fun in blocking old friends and boyfriends. Unfortunately, they do not agree with me. I have been trying to reach out to certain people for years. And maybe I did wrong them but I certainly can’t fix the problem if you have me blocked!

I cannot validate your feelings if you don’t tell me what they are. I cannot make amends, if you do not let me speak to you. No one can block me in this place, for I own the domain. And that does give me some comfort. But not as much as it would if I could just actually speak to you in person. Does your hate really run that deeply? I guess I will never know. Because you hit the block button.

Wherever you are, I send my love. Even if you hate me, I still send you love. This life is just too short to hold a Grudge.

https://laurelinobrien.com/2019/09/29/in-the-end-it-doesnt-really-matter/