Christmas alone without family

Blowes. It does it just simply blows. Yes I am here to get stem cells but I will not see any true results for about a year. Until then it is like being on a roller coaster. I have very good days like I did yesterday. And they have extremely bad days where I’m below Baseline like I did today. I miss my daughter I miss my cats I miss my home. I miss my state of New York even though it’s extremely cold there right now. You should be happy it’s 70 some 

Degrees here. Where I live it’s snowing and freezing and causes my multiple sclerosis to flare up. But then I’m not happy. It blows. How can you be happy on the holiday this meant for family and friends and presents and a Christmas tree when you have none of those. I do have my husband here as a caregiver. And I have to be grateful for that. And I have to be grateful that this is my last chance at perhaps having a better life. And I have to be grateful that I’m still alive. That I have a home to come home to. That I have a daughter and family to come home to. Well now I just feel like an asshole after writing all of that. But it’s still a very unnerving unsettling feeling. To be happy and yet miserable at the same time. I am usually a very upbeat person. I love Humanity I love everyone and I never show hatred. But I hate being away from my loved ones. But I love the chance to perhaps improve my life and their lives. It is a conundrum. It is a total oxymoron. I do not know how I am supposed to feel. All I know is on the other side of the country it’s not Christmas anymore. So I will pretend I’m there. I will pretend it’s a year from now and I can walk. I will pretend that all of this hell I have lived for the last 18 years will be worth something. I will pretend that I will be a teacher again. And I will go on as I always do with hope in my heart and love for Humanity. 4 is that not all we can do? We just have to Keep On Truckin. So that’s what I will do Keep On Truckin. And not to be cliche but the Grateful Dead suck. I just like the line Keep On Truckin. so do to you on this Christmas Day. May peace and love be with you and guide your heart. And allow yourself to remember that sometimes it just blows.

Peace and love Laurelin 

Stem cells in Mexico for multiple sclerosis Christmas Eve

So you might say I’m getting a little bored. I’ve been quarantined now for about a week. And they have to be quarantined in this damn apartment for another week. The hematologist says everything is going great. But I basically feel exactly the same. The one good thing is I was able to eat with a spoon both today and yesterday. I have not been able to use utensils for a year. Then you say you don’t see signs of improvement for 9 to 10 months. According to everyone else I should have started losing my hair today. But I have not lost any hair yet. It might fall out when I get home or I might be one of the lucky 10% that keeps my hair and the stem cells start helping and growing quickly. I do think this is going to be a miracle for me. I do think this was the best option for me the only option for me. There was nothing left for me to try. Tomorrow is Christmas day and I am missing my daughter like crazy.

We are very close to the equator here in Puebla Mexico

  • So there is no heat or air conditioning as we don’t need it here. As you can see from the picture below it is quite cold in New York state and quite snowy. The cold bothers my multiple sclerosis but I want to see my child so badly I don’t care. They have a pyramid here that is bigger than the pyramids in Giza because there is a church on top of the pyramid they are not allowed to dig  under the pyramid to see just how tall is. There is also a volcano here that is dormant but it releases  out steam constantly. You still live in Hawaii so it is no big deal to me I have seen many volcanoes. I really just want to go home and see if this procedure will work. I have faith that it will. And the doctor seems to think that I’m doing extremely well. Tis the season to be with family and I’m all alone except for my husband who was out and about right now. I am trying not to be depressed as I know this is a miracle. I never thought I would miss New York so much.

 Peace and love Laurelin 

Come out and dance the macrame

Come one come all, arrise today ,it’s time to dance the Macrame 

The children are dressed ,to dance with you

Some will know you’re there, but only a few

Dance For Love here and there, lost and found.

Dance for love up and down  ,love all around

Dance for us and we ,for we are you

This All Hallows Eve ,Come dance the night through

Come one come all, it’s time to play

Come out and dance the macrame.

Anything is possible when it’s close to Halloween

My cat woke me up this morning. She said to me in a human voice “wake up I want food”. I looked at her and said how are you speaking in English to me you are a cat. I must still be dreaming. My cat shook his head and said “we can all speak English we just choose not to”. So I got up and I gave her some food. She said ” thank you very much”. Still confused I went back to bed. Thinking this must have been a very strange dream. When I awoke an hour later my cat said to me “get out of bed lazy bones it’s time to play.” Am I still dreaming? Or do I simply have the smartest cat in the world? He then looked deep in my eyes and telepathically said” kill him”. Iresponded and amazed how can this be happening but again the cat looked me straight in the eyes and telepathically said” kill him”. I told my cat I am a pacifist I do not believe in killing other creatures what do you expect me to do? Fat Cat replied with his eyes “kill him”. Thinking I was losing my mind I thought of calling my psychiatrist. But who would believe such craziness? I was home all alone and had no one to tell. No one to show this miracle too. Although it’s slightly frightened me that my cat Could Be A Serial murderer or through the use of telekinesis. I locked all the doors look through the house and under all the beds and saw no one so asking again who am I supposed to kill!? All he did was stare back into my eyes and say with his eyes “kill him.” I thought maybe I just need a Xanax and a bath. I must be losing my mind. As I sat in the bathtub I heard a very small crash  coming through my kitchen window. Put on a towel,  and very quietly and cautiously walked toward the kitchen. My cat stood in the living room holding a knife in her mouth. With her eyes he looked at me and said” kill him”. I took the knife and carefully walked into the kitchen. I found a strange man halfway in my window and halfway out my window. I told him,” I have a knife and I am not afraid to use it please leave my house.” He continued to enter and I stabbed him I stabbed him over and over again in the stomach. The next thing I remember was waking up and my cat saying in English to me” I want food.”


Happy 4th, America! It’s been a few hundred years; and we’ve improved a bit. End to slavery. Women’s suffrage. A whole lot more equality. This year, America, you finally put an end to this ‘gays can’t marry’ bs. Unfortunately, we still have lots more prejudice, bigotry, and sexism and racism issues to battle; but you’re doing great, America! Not such a great day for the British history books. Or the native American history books or…- but;hey,we did pretty good this year. I am proud to be an American. I hope you are too. But lest we not forget our sins, America. Maybe someday we can just be ‘humanity’ instead of a ‘country’. But WE are getting there…enjoy your freedom!