Christmas alone without family

Blowes. It does it just simply blows. Yes I am here to get stem cells but I will not see any true results for about a year. Until then it is like being on a roller coaster. I have very good days like I did yesterday. And they have extremely bad days where I’m below Baseline like I did today. I miss my daughter I miss my cats I miss my home. I miss my state of New York even though it’s extremely cold there right now. You should be happy it’s 70 some 


Degrees here. Where I live it’s snowing and freezing and causes my multiple sclerosis to flare up. But then I’m not happy. It blows. How can you be happy on the holiday this meant for family and friends and presents and a Christmas tree when you have none of those. I do have my husband here as a caregiver. And I have to be grateful for that. And I have to be grateful that this is my last chance at perhaps having a better life. And I have to be grateful that I’m still alive. That I have a home to come home to. That I have a daughter and family to come home to. Well now I just feel like an asshole after writing all of that. But it’s still a very unnerving unsettling feeling. To be happy and yet miserable at the same time. I am usually a very upbeat person. I love Humanity I love everyone and I never show hatred. But I hate being away from my loved ones. But I love the chance to perhaps improve my life and their lives. It is a conundrum. It is a total oxymoron. I do not know how I am supposed to feel. All I know is on the other side of the country it’s not Christmas anymore. So I will pretend I’m there. I will pretend it’s a year from now and I can walk. I will pretend that all of this hell I have lived for the last 18 years will be worth something. I will pretend that I will be a teacher again. And I will go on as I always do with hope in my heart and love for Humanity. 4 is that not all we can do? We just have to Keep On Truckin. So that’s what I will do Keep On Truckin. And not to be cliche but the Grateful Dead suck. I just like the line Keep On Truckin. so do to you on this Christmas Day. May peace and love be with you and guide your heart. And allow yourself to remember that sometimes it just blows.

Peace and love Laurelin 

Stem cells in Mexico for multiple sclerosis Christmas Eve

So you might say I’m getting a little bored. I’ve been quarantined now for about a week. And they have to be quarantined in this damn apartment for another week. The hematologist says everything is going great. But I basically feel exactly the same. The one good thing is I was able to eat with a spoon both today and yesterday. I have not been able to use utensils for a year. Then you say you don’t see signs of improvement for 9 to 10 months. According to everyone else I should have started losing my hair today. But I have not lost any hair yet. It might fall out when I get home or I might be one of the lucky 10% that keeps my hair and the stem cells start helping and growing quickly. I do think this is going to be a miracle for me. I do think this was the best option for me the only option for me. There was nothing left for me to try. Tomorrow is Christmas day and I am missing my daughter like crazy.

We are very close to the equator here in Puebla Mexico

  • So there is no heat or air conditioning as we don’t need it here. As you can see from the picture below it is quite cold in New York state and quite snowy. The cold bothers my multiple sclerosis but I want to see my child so badly I don’t care. They have a pyramid here that is bigger than the pyramids in Giza because there is a church on top of the pyramid they are not allowed to dig  under the pyramid to see just how tall is. There is also a volcano here that is dormant but it releases  out steam constantly. You still live in Hawaii so it is no big deal to me I have seen many volcanoes. I really just want to go home and see if this procedure will work. I have faith that it will. And the doctor seems to think that I’m doing extremely well. Tis the season to be with family and I’m all alone except for my husband who was out and about right now. I am trying not to be depressed as I know this is a miracle. I never thought I would miss New York so much.

 Peace and love Laurelin 

Come out and dance the macrame

Come one come all, arrise today ,it’s time to dance the Macrame 

The children are dressed ,to dance with you

Some will know you’re there, but only a few

Dance For Love here and there, lost and found.

Dance for love up and down  ,love all around

Dance for us and we ,for we are you

This All Hallows Eve ,Come dance the night through

Come one come all, it’s time to play

Come out and dance the macrame.