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Friends and apologies and love

I do not know how to send this to 3 people other than this way. It is a Blog that won’t be posted it is just written to be sent to the three of you. A few years ago I was so very hurt and upset by a letter that Lori wrote me. I didn’t even think about what other people’s feelings were. Desiree I was not there for you in your time of need because I was consumed with my own feelings. Billy I was not there for you because I was consumed by my own feelings when I should have been sending you wedding presents and calling you. You are my oldest friend in New York state and I did not think about your feelings or what you might be thinking about me and Lori. Desiree I did not think about what you were thinking about me and Lori. Dana I did the same thing to you. I did not even take into account your feelings. All I was thinking about was me. All I was thinking about was what she did to me when I was so sick I was crawling around after an attack. I did not even think about the fact that if someone could write a letter so cruel there had to be feelings behind it. I did not take into account Lawry’s feelings. I did email her and she still never told me why she didn’t want to know me anymore but I at least tried. I am absolutely over it and I absolutely have not only forgiven her but there is something to be said for forgetting it to I will always have great memories of all four of us playing together as children. I will try to cherish these memories and not remember the fact that she hates me and just forgive her and know that I love her in my heart. I ask now and deep true feelings the same from all of you. Please forgive me. I do not know how to send this to 3 people other than this way. It is a blog that won’t be posted it is just written to be sent to the three of you. A few years ago I was so very hurt and upset by a letter that Lori wrote me. I didn’t even think about what other people’s feelings were. Desirae I was not there for you and your time of need because I was consumed with my feelings. Billy I was not there for you because I was consumed by my own feelings when I should’ve been sending you wedding present and calling you. You are my oldest friend in New York state and I did not think about your feelings or what you might be thinking about me and Lori. Desiree I did not think about what you were thinking about me and Lori. Dana I did the same thing to you. I did not even take into account your feelings. All I was thinking about was me. All I was thinking about was what she did to me when I was so sick I was crawling around after an attack. I did not even think about the fact that if someone could write a letter so cruel there had to be feelings behind it. I did not take into account Lori’s feelings. I did email her and she still never told me why she didn’t want to know me anymore but i atleast ride. I am absolutely over it and I absolutely have not only forgiven her but there is something to be said for forgetting it too I will always have great memories of all four of us playing together as children. I will try to cherish these memories and do not remember the fact that she hates me and just forgive her and know that I love her in my heart. I asked now and deep true feelings the same from all of you. Please forgive me. I never even knew you were mad at me Billy because I was so obsessed with Lori and why she would not even let me talk to her. I should have been asking you Dana how are you and your beautiful family? I should have been asking you Desiree how are you doing and how are your kids? I should have been asking you Billie how is married life and how is your daughter doing? And I should have ended all the letters with I love you and I’m so glad I’ve known you for so long. I lost Lori and I am so grateful to have at least two of you back. If I can remember your last name Dana Martin I will try to reach out to you as well and ask your forgiveness as you did absolutely nothing wrong none of you did. I did something wrong. I did not care about your feelings I only cared about mine. And I know I must have done something to Lori and I must not have cared about it or I would not have gotten that I hate you letter. So I am sorry to all of you. Even to Lori whatever I did I am sorry to you as well. But I have to admit that letter was mean and I’m sorry for whatever I did but I didn’t deserve that LOL but Desiree Billie and Dana you did not deserve the treatment I gave any of you. And after I know what it feels like from that letter I should have known better and not treated the three of you the way I did. I apologize for any grammar errors or spelling your name wrong you know my stupid voice app always screws up I just after finally reconnecting with both you Desiree and you Billy my best friend of 32 years 32 years! And I wasn’t even thinking about what was going on with you I am so so so very sorry and I am so glad to have you back in my life and it won’t ever happen again and we will stay connected. And the same for you Desiree I never want to lose you again and I always want you to feel like you can reach out to me for help without thinking that I am just obsessed with that stupid letter. I guess that’s all I have to say I should’ve been asking you Dana how are you and your beautiful family? I should have been asking you Desiree how are you doing and how were your kids? I should have been asking you Billy how is married life and how was your daughter doing? & I should’ve ended all the letters with I love you and I’m so glad I’ve known you for so long. I lost Lori and I am so grateful to have at least two of you back. If I can remember your last name Dana Martin I will try to reach out to you as well and ask your forgiveness as you did absolutely nothing wrong none of you did. I did something wrong. I did not care about your feelings I only cared about my. & I know I must have done something to Lori and I must not have carried about it or I would not have gotten that I hate you letter. So I am sorry to all of you. Even to Lori whatever I did I am sorry to you as well. But I have to lick met that letter was me and I’m sorry for whatever I did but I didn’t deserve that lol but Desiree Billy and Dana you did not deserve the treatment I gave any of you. And after I know what it feels like from that letter I should have known better and not treated the three of you the way I did. I love you all very much. I guess that is all I have to say is please forgive me and I love you and in the future I promise to be there for you and to respect and hear your feelings. And not be so selfish and only care about my feelings. Because I know how much that hurts. I love you all and I can’t wait to see you all and hug you all and give you a personal I’m sorry.

Peace and love Laurelin

Leave a comment Posted on poetry

Anger

I get angry, yes I do, then I get vengeful it is true.

Like my disease and the weather ;it never makes me feel better
Every horrible man from my life: I want to say ,I don’t care .did you walk today?

Yes my disease has taught me how to be kind. But just for a moment let’s hit rewind.

There are truly some things that you need to just let go. My question is, where do they go?

Because maybe I want my question back. Maybe you ignoring me makes me feel under attack.

And I hate to get political. I really do. But you are such a liar, and a fake, what’s wrong with you!?

Oh, I forgot that’s what politicians are. I guess you got a big Shiny Gold Star.

Independence came. And Independence went. Here are all the dumb things I sent.

You know that song, I Love You winter, spring ,or fall? Screw them I hate them all.

Every year I try try try. But I just can’t stand the month of July.

August ,please hurry up and come soon. Of course, then you’re just closer to the month of June.

I need a tracer,, and a memory eraser. Perhaps then I could face her. 

Until then I will feel apprehension Doom and Gloom. When it becomes the month of June.

Wait a minute . . O’Briens are lions.

I don’t need your calendar! I will use the Mayans.

Leave a comment Posted on James Christopher, me, politics

James Christopher rieth FUCK YOU you are a sham of a Democrat. 1st ammendment bitch

Okay now you look and you listen for a minute. I tried being nice. I ,last time I contacted you ,was with severe kindness and total humanitarian truth. You have all the same sins I do. You may be approaching 40 like me but that doesn’t mean you forgot who you were 20 years ago. Do you forget where you were 20 years ago on July 3rd 1997? I certainly do. You cannot run away anymore from Who You Are. You are starting to piss me off and you don’t want to make an enemy out of me. I know you keep blocking me from every account that tries to contact you but you cannot stop the First Amendment. You cannot control my blog and I’ll say your name till I’m blue in the fucking face Chris rieth. I thought you were a good person. I thought we were on the same political side. I see now that your agenda is all about you and material possessions and the fancy places you visit. You are no better than anyone else on this planet. Do you get that? I’m going to show another picture of us too. You can’t make me not exist. I am sick of it. You think I did you wrong. You did me wrong! You did me wrong in so many ways! You may have the world fooled but you don’t have me fooled. You are still the same old narcissistic SOB that you were when you were 17. Do you know think that if you were in dire straights I not help you? Because I would. And I still would. Because we shared five years of something. You may think it was something bad you may think it was something good but it was something. And I am so sick and tired of you denying its existence. Have fun on your little vacations around the world. Do you remember what happened between us exactly 20 years ago? You can tell I’m still a little angry about it and I never got power, an apology, and I’m sorry that I talk so much shit about you when you were doing worse shit than I was doing? Or how about that the whole reason you got addicted to that was because I’m the one that had you try it.Bullshit. other way around. That’s right I’m getting angry and the truth is going to start to come out if you don’t respond to me in some way and apologize. You fucked up my life Christopher. I have a wonderful life now with a wonderful husband but the 10 years that I spent after 1997 I hold me 50% to blame and I hold you 50% to blame and if you don’t know why then you are a complete moron and you don’t belong to be in politics. Stop being something you are not. The truth is out there. You know my love of X-Files. And the truth is not only out there the truth is going to come out if you don’t stop denying my existence. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate anyone. I don’t believe in hate. I don’t understand why you hate me. That only shows what kind of human being you are. No I think I will Grace everyone with another picture of you that I don’t know how I have because you don’t know who I am right? Fuck you Christopher. look who is that in Canada

Ignore me.. you ignore disabled America

You were in  Missouri 20 years ago. You were pretending you were a good Catholic and if you could just forget about what was going on with me it was okay. Where was I?  Do you remember? Should I remind you?  You can keep blocking me  you can keep ignoring me. You can pretend your past doesn’t exist but I will show the world your past exist if you don’t at least  message me back and I hear you, and I am sorry. Or I hear you ,and I am not sorry. Or anything  ,email me ,message me here, you can’t message any of my Facebook accounts cuz he keeps blocking them all ,well ,I think the world should know who you really are before they invest anything in you politically so I am showing the world who you are here he is mr. America  vote away. Just remember what a good job you did voting for number 45 .  Yes ,you’re extremely pissed off at me right now and there’s nothing you can do about it because of the First Amendment.  But you cannot ignore me in your past anymore. I am sick of people like you being in Washington and thinking that your shit doesn’t smell. 

 this is me very overweight because I just got very high dose steroids From my very first attack when I was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis look who’s sitting right next to me it must be some invisible force that does not exist oh yeah, it’s Chris.

Peace and love to all of my American people even including you asshole  laurelin.

He used to be a good person that’s the sad thing. I don’t know if he’s a good person anymore ,but I don’t think so.  Be careful who you trust,, be careful who you know. And most importantly be careful who you vote for. God Bless America .  And everyone reading this.  All I have ever done is spoken the truth.  And sometimes the truth hurts. But like Fox Mulder says the truth is out there and unfortunately the truth is in Washington .  And unfortunately number 45 is in Washington.  Let’s not letting any more people who pretend to be something they are not