Leave a comment Posted on me, multiple sclerosis, stem cells

What else can you take from me?

I have had multiple sclerosis for well over 20 years. I have had multiple sclerosis for a longer than half of my life. Every time I have a new attack I would look up at the ceiling and ask. What else can you take from me Lord? And I would always regret doing this for he would later on take something else from me. I have gotten stem cells and things seem to be getting better. And they are. I am much stronger. And they appear to be working on some level. However right now my eyes shake back and forth. I cannot see anything straight on. When I went blind in one eye it was less horrible than this is. When you go blind you just can’t see. This is cruel. You can see. But you really can’t. You cannot read. I cannot read the words I am saying right now into a microphone. So you have to forgive me on my grammar. They also cause me to have severe migraines. A permanent headache all the time. The cruelest part of all is wondering if your stem cell transplant really helped. I know that it has helped my body in so many ways.. I have this other despair that perhaps they didn’t help as much as I was hoping. I guess I should be happy I am not completely blind. For and looking over this blog I see a couple errors. However I am in no way can fix them because my hand shake and I cannot touch the word. This is such a cruel disease I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. Okay that is a lie I would totally wish it upon my worst enemy. Lucky for me I do not have any enemies. I do wish that my vision would come back. And then Monday my husband is making me call the neurologist. I have been putting it off because calling my neurologist is it mitting that I still have new multiple sclerosis symptoms. I’m hoping I can blame my optic neuritis which I was diagnosed with due to multiple sclerosis.. my husband just came in the room and told me the name of my eyes twitching. I can’t think of it right now as I write this but one of the remedies for it is a drug called baclofen. Which I am I now and have been for a while. Another drug which treat said it’s called Neurontin. I was on Neurontin for 13 years and was taken off of it by my neurologist for making my eyes go cross. You cannot help but laugh. So the treatment that I need for my eyes is the same medicine I went off of because it was affecting and hurting my eyes. I hate this damn disease. I hate it more than anything. I can’t say that it is killing me slowly anymore it is simply just making my life on livable. I always try to find the good in everything. But right now I am really struggling guys. I mean really. How can the treatment be the problem? My disease makes no sense. At least when you have a certain cancer it makes sense. You have cancer cells. They’re either benign or malignant. But when you have multiple sclerosis. A disease that is a disease. Your own body is attacking itself and it does not make any sense. I know there are a ton of errors and this blog. I hope it makes sense to some of you. I know my voice application has picked up the wrong words for certain words but there is nothing I can do about it. I do apologize my friends. I simply have to send out my EDD grivation into the void of the world. There has to be a purpose for everything right? Well I call Big that b*******. There can’t possibly be a purpose for this terrible disease. Well if you have gotten this far reading it then you’ve done better than I have. Because I cannot see any of the words I have written. Peace and love to you all my friends. Let us hope my eyes will someday stop twitching. If I get lucky I’ll wake up and be missing an arm. I think that would be easier to accept. No I take that back every time I say something like that something bad happens to me. So I just sent this out into an empty void and I remind you to love yourselves and love your eyes. But not if they shake back and forth. You are better off blind. Take it from me I have been blind before and I know this to be true.

Leave a comment Posted on me, multiple sclerosis, stem cells

Post hsct stem cells 1 and 1/2 years

Many people have a misconception about stem cells. They think that you are going to walk off the plane and be walking. I can now walk with a walker because of stem cells but unfortunately the reality is I will probably never walk on my own again. This does not mean that stem cells have not worked. I continue to be much stronger. I can continue to move my right leg. My right leg had become totally useless and paralyzed. Yes I still use a commode. But I never need help from my husband getting on or off of it or in or out of that. This is a huge success. My multiple sclerosis will never go away. What stem cells have done is stopped the progression of my disease. When I was 18 years old I was told by doctors that I would probably live to around 50. Anything after that would be a blessing. Because of stem cells I now look forward to watching my daughter grow up. I now look forward to living a full life with my husband. Yes I will always be handicap. But knowing that you possibly have another 30-plus years and you is amazing. So they say that you do not see the full results of your transplant for 3 years. So at the halfway mark I am at peace and happy with my success. Anything else is just icing on the cake. Stem cells probably will not do too much more in the way of reversing the damage multiple sclerosis has caused. However it has given me life. I look forward to living a long life with my family. A life that I in no way we would have had without stem cells. To you and to all my followers and readers out there. Remember that there is always hope in the world. Never lose Faith In Yourself faith in a higher power and faith that things can get better and any Endeavor you are trying to achieve. Peace and love to all of you my friends

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Rehab

I went to rehab kicking and screaming when I was I think 27. I may have been 26. I have to be honest when you get sober you are not really sober for about 3 years. Your brain is pure confusion and you are left with the feeling that you are lost. Truly you are lost. Because you don’t know anyone that is sober anymore. It is hard to stay sober when everyone you know is an addict. I knew for a long time that I needed Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous because of the show intervention. I was a complete crackhead. The only reason that I got sober was because I lost my crack house in the flood. Was then forced to live with my mother. And she could no longer deny the fact that her daughter was a complete mess. When I finally went to rehab myself a sex addict. This could not be further from the truth. The counselors taught me that my addiction simply made me promiscuous. I still remember like yesterday a counselor telling me that he was on to me. In a room filled with my peers he proclaimed that I was one of the most manipulative and it’s he’d ever had. He said when he came to work and saw me for the first time he even wanted to reach out and help this poor little lost lamb. I was no lost lamb. I was the lion. I used to people. I abused people. And yes then I would lose people. I have had so many boyfriends come and go that I don’t remember all their names. I stole their money. I used them for drugs. Then I learned in rehab that they were using me right back. I was a very attractive 20-some year old. I thought I had the world at my fingertips. The truth was the world held on to me. I didn’t really learn much and Rehab except that the same as everyone else there. In concept for me that was new and frightening. I had such a great opinion of myself. The truth is I was a joke. Unfortunately not a very funny joke. Rehab made me use a walker as they would not let me use a cane. I had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis for 10 years yeah I truly had no symptoms. I would walk with that Walker to make people feel sorry for me. And it worked. Even the counselors were fooled. The joke was on me though because ten years later I was wheelchair-bound. I guess you could say I got what I deserved. Or perhaps I just knew what was coming and was in denial. Either way I was a manipulative little bit. I was a little bit of nothing but a drug addict. But I thought so highly of myself. I had a boyfriend who was 13 years my senior. And I was lucky enough to learn how to make crack from him. Before I met him I was snorting lines but the invention of crack to me was a pure treasure. Over 10 years sober thinking about it now I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I do not think I could say no to the substance if someone offered it. So I learned to stay away from people who would offer it. Crack let me down skid row zallies and took all of my money. It took part of my brain. It made my multiple sclerosis worse. And to this day after over a decade I still love that evil substance. I have a wonderful Sober Family. I have a wonderful daughter. And I wish I could say the truth is I stay sober for her. But this is not true. I stay sober because I stay away from those people. If I was living the same life I used to she would surely be taken away from me by her father. I met my husband when I was one year sober and he could not believe that I got a windfall of thousands of dollars when I got disability and I spent it all on crack cocaine. I spent it all in one month. I finally hit rock bottom and came crawling back to Alcoholics Anonymous where I truly found sober friends and got my act together. But the beginning of my journey getting sober was with rehab. It was with The Sweet Sound of my mother telling me to go to rehab or go live on under a bridge. The sad thing is I thought about living under a bridge. I was a little bit of nothing but a drug addict but I thought so highly of myself I had a boyfriend who was 13 years my senior and I was lucky enough to learn how to make crack from him before I met him I was snoring lines but the invention of cracked to me was a pure treasured over 10 years Silvers thinking about it now I still feel butterflies in my stomach I do not think I could say no to the substance if someone offered it so I learned to stay away from people who would offer it cracked let me down get rose a lease and took all of my money it took part of my brain it made my multiple sclerosis worse and to this day after over a decade I still love that evil substance I have a wonderful silver family I have a wonderful daughter and I wish I could say the truth is I stay sober for her but this is not true I stay sober because I stay away from those people if I was living the same life I used to she would surely be taken away from me by her father I meant my husband when I was 1 years sober and he could not believe that I got a windfall of thousands of dollars when I got disability and I spent is all on crack cocaine I spent it all in one month I finally hit rock bottom and came crawling back to Alcoholics Anonymous where I truly found friends and got my act together but the beginning of my journey getting sober was with rehab it was with the sweet sound of my mother telling me to go to rehab or go live under a bridge the sad thing is I thought about living under a bridge that is how destructive my addiction was I am still in love with cocaine today even though I have a decade under my belt. I apologize for any grammatical error in this blog. I wrote it very quickly using a voice application as I can no longer type. I know that my story is not much different from any of the people that I went to rehab with. But it is a story I must unfortunately live with. Today I am not only sober but I got stem cells to stop the progression of my multiple sclerosis. It worked the disease has stopped progressing. Unfortunately the damage is already there. But hopefully new neural Pathways will grow and I will see more success. I look back on my days as a crackhead and it was a completely different person. I like to think that my life started when I met my husband. I do not like to look back at my past. I cannot believe the things I have seen and done. I cannot believe the people I have known that have died so young. And I ask myself why I was chosen because by All Rights should be dead. I’m one of the lucky ones God God I am one of the lucky ones now with multiple sclerosis extremely bad I still feel I am one of the lucky ones I did not die I have money in the bank account and I have a beautiful family it all started with one word. Rehab