Early menopause

Sucks. It just stinks. Because I had high-dose chemotherapy and stem cell transplant it made me infertile. Basically menopause. No I do not want to have any more children. But a at age 37 knowing that I have no prospects really stinks. I did not think it would bother me as much as it does. My husband found my insurance card that’s only for pregnancy prevention items and it made me cry. Because he put it back in my wallet. I then mention to him that I cannot have any more children. It seems crazy to me that I am so bothered by the fact that I won’t get cramps every month and be miserable anymore. But when you take away what makes you a woman it does nothing but make you feel Unpredictable and kind of worthless. I guess I just was ready for this. I knew infertility was probable but I deep down did not think it was possible. I guess it is God’s way of letting me know for sure that I am only meant to have my one Miracle child. It makes me appreciate her so much more. It makes me want to protect her so much more. She is my lineage. Without her my relatives on especially my maternal side cease to exist. She is so special and so wonderful. I need to just be grateful for the fact that I was able to carry one child. And let go of the fact that there will be no other children in my book of life. Wait…. Grand children!

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