History repeats itself

Since the invention of democracy we have been at war with autocracy.

This is nothing new. What is new is the fact that so many within our own ranks, are the enemy

We used to hold that flag up and be United under it. The Star Spangled Banner means something different for everyone. And it used to mean the same.

We can’t even agree as of late if the Holocaust really happened. Seriously. You think I’m kidding? January 6th was either a national holiday, or an insurrection. But Hillary’s emails.

Now Russia is bit by bit claiming parts of Ukraine as its own. Latvia will be next. Didn’t we go to the Vietnam War for the same reason? We can’t let the dominoes fall. And they are falling. One by one.

I am at a loss for the state of us doing nothing. It is just one country fighting with another country, cry people. No. It isn’t. democracy fighting with autocracy. And autocracy is winning.

We are not The Shining Beacon we used to be. Even if we were, I don’t know who we shine for anymore. History repeats itself. Autocracy versus democracies is as old as the beginning of democracy! But for some reason, it just seems a little scarier.

I miss the 1980s. The fall of the Berlin Wall, wasn’t that awesome. We thought we were winning in the Battle of autocracy versus democracy. But history repeats. I feel like I’ve lived through this before.

I myself being a fan of democracy, I cannot just look the other way and say, oh it’s just another country way over there. Because that country way over there could be this country way over here. And I hope that never happens. But if it does, I am willing to die for democracy. I think we all need to think about that. Because democracy is not winning right now.

It is 2022. It is not the 1980s anymore. But history repeats itself. We will be back to those days once again. And we have gotten so much better. I am proud. B l m. LBGTQ Plus. We have come a long way. But not far enough.

I will not be around long enough to see 2100. And I know the globe will look a lot different. The question is, will it have democracies in it? Will it be a giant autocracy or two?

I hope for my great great great grandchildren we are still a democracy. And I hope for yours that there are people still willing to die for democracy. As history repeats itself, I don’t know which way it will repeat. Will democracy win? Or autocracy? It might be up to you

The middle

I have often been called a radical. I am realizing as a age, that I am not. I do not like people to put me in a box. Check me off. I am not a box. I am more in the middle

I very much support b l m. And their protest. Do not nor will I ever support looters, or destruction of property. Usually the things that happened in the darkness of night at BLM protest. Daytime was peaceful. no I do not support destruction of property

I very much support the First Amendment. I am vaccinated and boosted. But I respect everyone’s right no, I am not a supporter of the freedom Convoy in Canada. But I’m not against it. My problem is what is happening at night. Honking your horns waking up children and elderly. That is my problem. Be respectful..

Now that I have explained this, know that I am a lefty. I am a Democrat. But my wits are more in the middle. There seems to be a lot less of us! We need to remember no matter our political affiliation we are all Americans. Somewhere else we forgot this. This is how Civil Wars begin. Do not turn against your brother. Do not look at yourself as red or blue or purple. Look at yourself as a member of this country. Because that’s the way I look at all of you.

It is getting harder and harder to be in the middle. I really try to see both sides. I really try to have them know that I see you. I tried to have compassion. I try to understand. But I don’t understand cruelty, waking up Neighbors in the dead of night, whether it’s from a trunk honking or someone taking advantage of BLM protest it night. Be respectful. You wouldn’t want someone waking you up in the middle of the night, so don’t do it to them. It should be pretty simple. We have forgotten to treat each other with kindness.

Yes, I am a Democrat and a lefty, but I tried to be in the middle. It’s so hard. Lefty’s get mad at me when I say oh, don’t be so hard on them. Right-wingers get mad when I say, don’t be so hard on them. Remember we are all on the same side. The American side. I don’t want to live in two Americas. Do you? Cuz we are headed towards Civil War oh, and I don’t want to go there. The last one killed a lot of people. Let’s not go there. Let’s stop this madness now.

Nothing wrong with being a conservative or a republican. Nothing wrong with being a Democrat or a liberal like me. But somewhere along the way you have to view things from The Middle. You have to. We must all get along. When we start seeing ourselves as an R or a d, or blue or red, it’s getting dangerous. I am blue, but I respect the red. Therefore I try to always View things from The Middle.


When shit gets you down, use your brain.

Maybe you will think of a Snappy refrain.

But mostly, you just are trying not to go fucking insane

The time is ahora. I like your wrists

The time is now. The time never quits.

But time moves fast. You need some s l i t s

Not what you expect coming from me.

Time is of the essence you see.

And my mind really Want to Be Free

Free of my evil Ms body

Ms took my body. My mind is still anyone’s guess

And I simply cannot attest. Why I’m in this effing mess?

I don’t know what to do. I Ponder. I j e s t

The time is now. Always now. No future in sight

Time to do it now, time to make things right

Finally tell the truth with all your might

The time is now. Scared shiftless at 41

Don’t remember life without MS. Did you know I could run?

Me neither. I’m forgetting. I used to be fun

Don’t worry, I’m too chickenshit. I am always right here

I battle my demons. I ignore the fear

I know that the answer is obviously clear.

Don’t wait. For anything. Ever.

Whatever it is that storm you can weather

If you need someone, I’m here. We’ll do it together.

Don’t wait like I did. Your moment is now

Just do it. Don’t wait. Wipe the sweat from your brow

Find something beautiful. A poem. A flora.

Carpe Diem. Do it a h o r a


More and more people do not believe in God. This is the first generation that does not affiliate with any religion. Religion is in the minority for once. And I can’t help but Wonder, does this make the world better or worse?

When I first joined AA over 15 years ago, they told us we had to pick a higher power. Even if we made our higher power the table in front of us, that was okay. We just had to give her power to someone else.

Why is today no different? I have to be honest, most of my friends do not believe in God. My father is an atheist. I was raised with both religion and without it. So I guess I got the Best of Both Worlds? Either that or it left me very confused.

Talking with a scientist online about the formation of the Galaxy and universe. Big Bang Theory. String Theory. Black hole Theory. You know, fun stuff. When I was a kid we all believed Big Bang Theory. But this scientist told me it does not hold scientific weight. I think because of God. He said in order for Big Bang to occur, there has to be a Creator. And most people are moving away from the idea of a creator. He kind of made me feel stupid for still believing in God. And I realize, that I cannot have this discussion was people anymore. I have to keep my beliefs to myself.

Okay, I can accept I might be wrong. I still believe in God, but I can accept there might not be one. Why can’t non-believers accept that there might be one? This fundamental question has been bothering me for a while. And I cannot bring it up on social media. So I bring it up here, on my blog, where it is safe.


Here we are, again. I debated writing a New Year’s blog, as what can I add to what I wrote last year? The biggest thing I can say is, the world got a little scarier.

We appear to be in another cold war. Although no news organization has said it out loud yet. But it’s pretty apparent. It is democracy vs autocracy. And I don’t know who will win. But like I wrote. It is pretty scary.

We successfully got rid of Donald Trump, only to allow Russia to get away with more. And more. And the more. They basically have Ukraine surrounded. But no one wants to say we are in a cold war.

China grows increasingly aggressive towards Taiwan. And I don’t even know what happened with the Olympics. I think we competed, but you don’t hear anything about it. Similar to the whole Cold War thing. If we don’t talk about it, maybe it’s not happening? It is been a strange year. A scary one. And covid is not done with us yet. And now it has become a war between the vaccinated and the unvaccinated. Like I said, the world has become a scary place.

We used to never think of using violence to defeat our opponent. In a democracy you use The Ballot Box. But more and more what happened last year on January 6th, has showed us that people don’t really mind using violence. And it’s scary. We have the January 6th committee, I’m not sure what they have done in the past year. Kind of like the Beijing Olympics, I don’t really know what happened in 2021? It was a strange, scary, year.

As far as my house goes, I have stayed stable. I truly believe my stem cell transplant was a success. My multiple sclerosis will not get any worse. Unfortunately, it will not get any better. So talking about myself will be brief. My year has been okay. I did not catch covid. No one in my immediate family did.

This year I have truly been more concerned with what’s going on in the world. Global warming is out of control. Half the country still doesn’t believe in it. Netflix even came out with this adorable movie called, don’t look up. It pretty much in satire explains the year 2021. Climate deniers. Science deniers. It is been pretty crazy. And those of us that still wear a mask, are scared to go out in public. Because those that don’t wear a mask, are quick to judge the ones that choose to stay healthy. It’s insane!

I won’t even talk about politics. All That Matters from last year is that we got rid of Donald Trump. Everything else in politics has remained the same. Power corrupts power. The powerful want to stay in power. But at least I have not heard as much profanity. AKA a libtard. It seems to have died down with the former guys use of such language as Kung flu. I can’t even tell you about the damage he probably did to the soul of this nation.

This year is a midterm election. I am not as concerned about politics as I used to be. I really only cared about getting rid of the former guy, everything else will fall into place. They say Republicans will probably gain back power. That whole power corrupts power thing, I don’t really want to part of it anymore. I am more concerned with the fate of this planet. And I want to leave my child a healthy one. Politics will always take care of themselves. And I certainly hope democracies when against autocracy but if they don’t, I hope the Earth wins the battle against climate change.

If nothing else this last year has made me reflect and realize that in the macro sense of things, politics don’t matter. The well being of the planet does. Maybe it’s being middle-aged that makes me reflect on things non-political. I was so invested in politics for so long, I feel like I’m neglecting the bigger scheme of things. But I am making up for it.

After all, I am only 41. I hope life is only half over. I want to watch my daughter grow up, and I really want there to be a planet for her to grow up on. This year has been the year of democracy versus autocracy. A continuation of the year of covid. And as such, a year that divided this country even deeper. We were once / red and blue, now we are / who wears a mask. It was an interesting year. I guess all I will leave you with the hopes of a 2022 is, make sure do once in awhile, just look up