Do not be kind to me. I am not here.
Stop pretending. Your motivation is clear.
If you want my attention, give my shirt a tug
Don’t caress me or kiss me I don’t want a hug.
All I want is kindness. For people to be nice.
But they are not. It makes me question and think twice
Don’t tell me you know how hard it is, and then walk away.
You know I can’t walk. I cannot read work with what I want to say.
I know I’m hard to love. Let’s face it, life has been rough.
But come at me with kindness. And I won’t be so tough.
When life beats you down, take that lemon and make lemonade.
Don’t like lemons? Grab oranges. Make some Gatorade
The point is, if you don’t like the cards you’re dealt deal something new.
Don’t like them? Discard, redraw, until the deck is through.
You have 52 chances. You may Auntie, bet, life still makes You Broker
It’s okay. You always have a joker
I am 41 years old. I love education. I love history, English, mathematics, you name it if it was education, I loved it.
This year I recently learned about the Tulsa Massacre. How did I not know about this? Why was it not in my history book? I understand history can be embarrassing. Slavery is pretty embarrassing, but I still learned about it oh, now I am beginning to question everything I ever learned.
I know I learned the battles of the Civil War different from students that live in the southern states. They choose to name them after creeks, but Northerners like to name them after fort or towns. Doesn’t make them different battles. Sherman’s marching to the sea no matter what you called the battles. But at least we learned about them.
The Tulsa Massacre happened in 1921. That is 59 years before I was born. And I know more about the Civil War. My white Anglo-Saxon Protestant brain is deeply troubled by this.
What else did I get wrong? By occupation I am an English teacher. I learned all about William Shakespeare. I am classically trained. Yet, today we question who William Shakespeare was! How much of what he wrote in Henry the fourth was truly fiction? How much did Socrates and Plato actually know? When I read Plato my favorite was allegory of the cave. What if someone else wrote it and he took credit?
Yes, I know probably not. But because I just learned about the Tulsa Massacre now I question everything. And I don’t want to question everything. I have always relied on my education to get me through anything. I have never doubted it. Greenwood in Tulsa Oklahoma has ruined that for me.
As a teacher, I would never lie to my students. But how do I know the facts I am teaching them are the truth?
Well, it is official, WordPress family and blog in poetry followers, I am 41 and over the hill. And I’ve never been happier about it. As you know, I am on borrowed time. Felt like that ever since I was on life support a few years back. But this is what I have learned today,
I love my family so much. The best present I could ever have I already got! At Mother’s Day dinner, it was so nice to be able to hug everyone. Because we are all vaccinated now! You don’t realize how much you need a hug, until you’re not allowed to hug your family because of a pandemic.
Today has also told me that I am not young anymore. I wake and bake this morning. Man, I’m not young anymore. I don’t like this feeling in the morning. Luckily I am writing in this now as it is wearing off. But hey, I’m a New Yorker, and I can talk to you about this because it is legal now ☺️ still feels weird to me. How about all of you? This is probably how they felt when alcohol prohibition ended. You still feel like you need to sneak around even though you don’t need to. It is weird
So what can I tell you also about my 41st birthday, my husband and I did not want to mention it, but it seems like I’m a little stronger. Maybe some new neural pathways are growing years after stem cell transplant! I don’t know, I am just grateful. Any little bit of strength I can get I am grateful for. I await the results of my MRI, hopefully no news will be good news.
Happy May 10th 2021, friends! I think we might be coming out of this pandemic. Thanks for sharing another birthday with me, what is my birthday wish? Well I have everything that I want, so I will make an environmental wish. Let’s all plant a lot of flowers for the bees this year! We may have found a way to come out of this pandemic, but the murder Hornets are another story….
Happy 420 21, everyone! Like many people, 20 years ago I celebrated 420 not telling anyone that I was celebrating 420! Times have greatly changed, thank goodness. But let’s look back over the past 420. Let’s see if we can find a common seeing besides for the obvious.
I believe it was 420 in 1994 when I was celebrating 420 with a friend. We both skipped school that day. While we were celebrating, the news came on the television. The Columbine shooting was going on at the Columbine High School in Colorado. We both thought it was a joke! Who shoots up a high school on 4/20? Sadly, it was not a joke. Forever leaving me with this memory on what should be a happy day.
The next few decades we still spend 420 in hiding. I was taught that marijuana is a gateway drug. The Dare program. Taught me that marijuana is bad! It will lead to things like cocaine and heroin! So stay away from it.
The Dare program totally had the opposite effect on me. Yes, it was successful in making me afraid of marijuana. But the problem with the Dare program, was it taught me how to use all the other drugs! I had no idea what cocaine was, until I took the Dare program. I had no idea what heroin was, until I took the Dare program.
So we learn to celebrate 4/20 in silence. Because we were criminals! And marijuana would only lead us to Skid Row, right? I’m glad to say that the Dare program was not right. I did not wind up on skid row because of marijuana. I did take some wrong turns in life, but marijuana was never the culprit.
20 years later I am happy to say New York State finally realizes what I have known for 20 years. That marijuana is a medicine. Instead of taking opiates, I only use THC as a nerve pain medicine. It took you long enough New York State! But I will take what I can get. And I am grateful that New York state is finally seeing what many of us have known all along. Marijuana is medicinal.
So finally we can celebrate 4/20 together not in the shadows! But unfortunately, this 420 we are spending it waiting for the jury to deliberate on the Derek Chauvin case. This is what I meant by my memories of 420 aren’t as happy as they should be. Worst of all, Hitler’s birthday is 420. I am starting to think maybe we should celebrate this holiday on a different day!
Hopefully, many of you reading this are young. And you don’t even remember Columbine shooting. And you can celebrate 420 the way it should be celebrated.
I am only 40 years old, I have seen a lot of four twenties in my day, I am old enough to live and remember why we call it 4:20. Do you know? It is because 420 used to be a police code. When they had a drug charge, usually marijuana, they would broadcast on the radio for 20 in progress. Giving people time to unload their drugs. I believe this was in California, but don’t quote me. Needless to say, the police got wind of this and they stop using that code. But 420 was forever indoctrinated as a marijuana holiday!
So now you all know why I truly love 420, but I wish we celebrated it on a different day. Too many bad memories. Hopefully, the next two decades will inspire a happier 4:20. One where we no longer have to be in the shadows, I still kind of feel like I need to hide it, and I have a medicinal marijuana license! We have been so indoctrinated into thinking that marijuana is a drug. I blame the Dare program. So I end with peace and love and I wish you all a happy and healthy for 20. May it remain a holiday where we sit around and get the munchies and giggle and remember to trust your own instincts always! Because the Dare program led me astray, so happy you young people will never have to experience that Madness!