When shit gets you down, use your brain.

Maybe you will think of a Snappy refrain.

But mostly, you just are trying not to go fucking insane

The time is ahora. I like your wrists

The time is now. The time never quits.

But time moves fast. You need some s l i t s

Not what you expect coming from me.

Time is of the essence you see.

And my mind really Want to Be Free

Free of my evil Ms body

Ms took my body. My mind is still anyone’s guess

And I simply cannot attest. Why I’m in this effing mess?

I don’t know what to do. I Ponder. I j e s t

The time is now. Always now. No future in sight

Time to do it now, time to make things right

Finally tell the truth with all your might

The time is now. Scared shiftless at 41

Don’t remember life without MS. Did you know I could run?

Me neither. I’m forgetting. I used to be fun

Don’t worry, I’m too chickenshit. I am always right here

I battle my demons. I ignore the fear

I know that the answer is obviously clear.

Don’t wait. For anything. Ever.

Whatever it is that storm you can weather

If you need someone, I’m here. We’ll do it together.

Don’t wait like I did. Your moment is now

Just do it. Don’t wait. Wipe the sweat from your brow

Find something beautiful. A poem. A flora.

Carpe Diem. Do it a h o r a


More and more people do not believe in God. This is the first generation that does not affiliate with any religion. Religion is in the minority for once. And I can’t help but Wonder, does this make the world better or worse?

When I first joined AA over 15 years ago, they told us we had to pick a higher power. Even if we made our higher power the table in front of us, that was okay. We just had to give her power to someone else.

Why is today no different? I have to be honest, most of my friends do not believe in God. My father is an atheist. I was raised with both religion and without it. So I guess I got the Best of Both Worlds? Either that or it left me very confused.

Talking with a scientist online about the formation of the Galaxy and universe. Big Bang Theory. String Theory. Black hole Theory. You know, fun stuff. When I was a kid we all believed Big Bang Theory. But this scientist told me it does not hold scientific weight. I think because of God. He said in order for Big Bang to occur, there has to be a Creator. And most people are moving away from the idea of a creator. He kind of made me feel stupid for still believing in God. And I realize, that I cannot have this discussion was people anymore. I have to keep my beliefs to myself.

Okay, I can accept I might be wrong. I still believe in God, but I can accept there might not be one. Why can’t non-believers accept that there might be one? This fundamental question has been bothering me for a while. And I cannot bring it up on social media. So I bring it up here, on my blog, where it is safe.


Here we are, again. I debated writing a New Year’s blog, as what can I add to what I wrote last year? The biggest thing I can say is, the world got a little scarier.

We appear to be in another cold war. Although no news organization has said it out loud yet. But it’s pretty apparent. It is democracy vs autocracy. And I don’t know who will win. But like I wrote. It is pretty scary.

We successfully got rid of Donald Trump, only to allow Russia to get away with more. And more. And the more. They basically have Ukraine surrounded. But no one wants to say we are in a cold war.

China grows increasingly aggressive towards Taiwan. And I don’t even know what happened with the Olympics. I think we competed, but you don’t hear anything about it. Similar to the whole Cold War thing. If we don’t talk about it, maybe it’s not happening? It is been a strange year. A scary one. And covid is not done with us yet. And now it has become a war between the vaccinated and the unvaccinated. Like I said, the world has become a scary place.

We used to never think of using violence to defeat our opponent. In a democracy you use The Ballot Box. But more and more what happened last year on January 6th, has showed us that people don’t really mind using violence. And it’s scary. We have the January 6th committee, I’m not sure what they have done in the past year. Kind of like the Beijing Olympics, I don’t really know what happened in 2021? It was a strange, scary, year.

As far as my house goes, I have stayed stable. I truly believe my stem cell transplant was a success. My multiple sclerosis will not get any worse. Unfortunately, it will not get any better. So talking about myself will be brief. My year has been okay. I did not catch covid. No one in my immediate family did.

This year I have truly been more concerned with what’s going on in the world. Global warming is out of control. Half the country still doesn’t believe in it. Netflix even came out with this adorable movie called, don’t look up. It pretty much in satire explains the year 2021. Climate deniers. Science deniers. It is been pretty crazy. And those of us that still wear a mask, are scared to go out in public. Because those that don’t wear a mask, are quick to judge the ones that choose to stay healthy. It’s insane!

I won’t even talk about politics. All That Matters from last year is that we got rid of Donald Trump. Everything else in politics has remained the same. Power corrupts power. The powerful want to stay in power. But at least I have not heard as much profanity. AKA a libtard. It seems to have died down with the former guys use of such language as Kung flu. I can’t even tell you about the damage he probably did to the soul of this nation.

This year is a midterm election. I am not as concerned about politics as I used to be. I really only cared about getting rid of the former guy, everything else will fall into place. They say Republicans will probably gain back power. That whole power corrupts power thing, I don’t really want to part of it anymore. I am more concerned with the fate of this planet. And I want to leave my child a healthy one. Politics will always take care of themselves. And I certainly hope democracies when against autocracy but if they don’t, I hope the Earth wins the battle against climate change.

If nothing else this last year has made me reflect and realize that in the macro sense of things, politics don’t matter. The well being of the planet does. Maybe it’s being middle-aged that makes me reflect on things non-political. I was so invested in politics for so long, I feel like I’m neglecting the bigger scheme of things. But I am making up for it.

After all, I am only 41. I hope life is only half over. I want to watch my daughter grow up, and I really want there to be a planet for her to grow up on. This year has been the year of democracy versus autocracy. A continuation of the year of covid. And as such, a year that divided this country even deeper. We were once / red and blue, now we are / who wears a mask. It was an interesting year. I guess all I will leave you with the hopes of a 2022 is, make sure do once in awhile, just look up

Sometimes it just happens

I am Presbyterian. By definition my f a t e has already been decided. Many Presbyterians will pray and pray and pray and pray for their path in life to be altered. For example, if you’re a drug addict you were predestined to be a drug addict. And the only way to beat your Affliction is to pray. I am a school teacher. By Presbyterian definition I was always meant to be a schoolteacher, and nothing else. If I want to be something else , well, I have to pray for it. But this has always been okay because I’ve never wanted to do anything but be a teacher.

So I guess I was predestined to have multiple sclerosis. And I can’t do anything about it. Unless I pray and pray and pray and pray and pray oh, and maybe if I’m lucky my path will be altered. Anyways, that is what Presbyterians believe. And I have always believed this. And being an English teacher, I read lots of poems.

Robert Frost is my favorite. You know the one that goes, two roads diverged in the woods and I took the One Less Traveled by. And that made all the difference. We all know from our English teachers, Robert Frost is being ironic. Taking the path Less Traveled by didn’t make a damn difference. Therefore, shit just happens. Doesn’t matter how much you pray, doesn’t matter if you turn left or right, shit just happens. But I am Presbyterian. My path has been chosen, but if I pray I can change it. I like this better. Knowing that shit just happens bothers me. I like that I can pray and maybe alter my path. Maybe I will pray hard enough and be able to walk one day. But I doubt it. That’s the problem isn’t it? It’s all about believing. I do not believe I will ever walk. Therefore, How Could my prayers ever come true that I will walk again?

And here lies the crutch of my problem. Do I believe my favorite poet or do I trust my religion. Because if shit just happens, aren’t we all a little bit fucked?

Reality check

I have discovered something. I always kind of thought social media was a scam. It’s not real. I enjoy it thoroughly. As most do. But it’s not real. Lately I have been testing the algorithm to see if what I thought was true. It is. Facebook just wants to make money off you. You get sold all the time 2 companies that sell you advertisement. I guess that’s the price you pay to enjoy Facebook.

So I have started hanging out on Twitter. I’ve gotten myself a whopping 5 followers. It’s very interesting. I know they have an algorithm also oh, but it seems to not be as cruel over there as it is on Facebook. Facebook always suggest groups to me that are not very nice. Twitter on the other hand, has suggested nothing to me except for other people to follow.

This self experiment I’m doing is quite interesting. I have a Facebook account that is a die-hard right-winger. A conservative. You would not believe the things that Facebook tries to suggest to that account.

My actual account is of course me. But Facebook is constantly trying to sell me stuff that I would never buy. I went through a couple months of seeing absolute products in my advertisement Newsfeed. Now I am seeing graduate college courses. I have never bought anything from Facebook, but they continue to try to sell me stuff.

Leaving me to believe it’s all kind of a joke. I like seeing my friends. I like seeing kids pictures and watching children grow up. I can’t take the political nonsense anymore. People have gotten so cruel to each other. Name-calling. Vulgarity. I have no use for it anymore.

So I’m trying to stay away from social media. Just a little bit here and there, but not like 24/7 like I used to do. I think it was wearing on my mental soul. And I need a return to normalcy. I think we all do. Unplug once in awhile. It’s really good for you. It’s been 4 days and I got to tell you guys I feel a lot better. Hang in there. Spread love. And if you are one of those that are always on social media please spread kindness. There’s way too much anger on there. We got a change this. We can. We will. With love ❤️