I am Presbyterian. By definition my f a t e has already been decided. Many Presbyterians will pray and pray and pray and pray for their path in life to be altered. For example, if you’re a drug addict you were predestined to be a drug addict. And the only way to beat your Affliction is to pray. I am a school teacher. By Presbyterian definition I was always meant to be a schoolteacher, and nothing else. If I want to be something else , well, I have to pray for it. But this has always been okay because I’ve never wanted to do anything but be a teacher.
So I guess I was predestined to have multiple sclerosis. And I can’t do anything about it. Unless I pray and pray and pray and pray and pray oh, and maybe if I’m lucky my path will be altered. Anyways, that is what Presbyterians believe. And I have always believed this. And being an English teacher, I read lots of poems.
Robert Frost is my favorite. You know the one that goes, two roads diverged in the woods and I took the One Less Traveled by. And that made all the difference. We all know from our English teachers, Robert Frost is being ironic. Taking the path Less Traveled by didn’t make a damn difference. Therefore, shit just happens. Doesn’t matter how much you pray, doesn’t matter if you turn left or right, shit just happens. But I am Presbyterian. My path has been chosen, but if I pray I can change it. I like this better. Knowing that shit just happens bothers me. I like that I can pray and maybe alter my path. Maybe I will pray hard enough and be able to walk one day. But I doubt it. That’s the problem isn’t it? It’s all about believing. I do not believe I will ever walk. Therefore, How Could my prayers ever come true that I will walk again?
And here lies the crutch of my problem. Do I believe my favorite poet or do I trust my religion. Because if shit just happens, aren’t we all a little bit fucked?