a woman scorned

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I try to never be this woman, but I am becoming that which I hate.

I am very disabled with Progressive multiple sclerosis. I cannot walk. I cannot really use my fingers. I haven’t been able to write my name in years. I am a school teacher. But it’s hard for me to even remember teaching as it has been 10 years since I was able to use a chalkboard. Even if I could teach with my wheelchair my hands are worthless! So I am on permanent disability. I try not to feel sorry for myself. So many have it worse. It sometimes I just have to have a pity party.

My husband has become forced to be my caregiver. He has to fill my sippy cups for me because my hands don’t work. He has to make my meals because I cannot use a stove or microwave. I feel like he very often represents me. He plays a lot of video games and I’m always disturbing him. And he gets so angry. He says I have no patience. I am really trying hard to have patience. But my life is waiting! Wait for this. Wait for that. Everything on someone else’s time. It a long time ago hurt my feelings. But now it is more than that. I am angry. A emotion I am not used to dealing with. I always try to live in love and light. Bud always competing with us video game is making me the scorned woman. I am a burden. I know this. But the people that have to help me have lower IQs than me. But I cannot insult them with my intelligence. So I just live in Waiting. Pretending that my brain is slipping like my body. Because that is the only way I can deal with anything. I have become the woman scorned. I do not know how to let go of my anger.

Now the world is under quarantine. We are battling an enemy we have never faced. A virus. But for me it’s just another day. I have lived in quarantine for nine years. So it is very difficult for me to see my daughter and my husband missing the world out there. For me there is no world out there! I am the woman scorned. I am downright pissed at the world.

I do not like to write these unhappy post. My posts are always filled with happiness. Today I needed to let go of some anger. Because I am the woman scorned. I am forgotten. I am alone. Instead of crying I am toughening-up. It is probably good that I don’t believe in guns. Because right now I feel very dangerous. Good thing I never leave the house. No one has anything to worry about. Except for this virus that is going around. honestly won’t affect me at all unless someone brings it in this house!

No one is stopping by anyways. No one wants to visit a a crippled who is the woman scorned. If anything of Interest ever should happen, I figured I should spread out my thoughts on paper. Because I don’t want to be remembered as the woman scorned. I want to be remembered as the woman with strength. The woman who is always positive. It is fitting that my blood type is B positive, because I’m always telling people to be positive. It is easier to give advice than it is to take it. For today, I will stay the woman scorned.

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