There are two things in this world that I hate. Florida. And chickens.

My whole life I have hated chickens. This started when I was a small child in Tennessee. I got the chicken pox. I was like two and a half or three, but I remember it vividly. I swore to my parents that it was my neighbors fault. His name was Will. And he had chickens. And I was sure that I got chicken pox from those chickens. Later we moved to New York. My stepfather had chickens. One of them was a very mean rooster. He tormented me. I could not play on my swing set without that rooster chasing me! I even still have a scar on my thumb from that damn chicken. So now I have absolutely no problem eating chickens. When I lived in Hawaii chickens roamed free everywhere. They also tormented me. I hate chickens.

Now my hatred of Florida did not start until my teens. I have multiple sclerosis and Florida’s weather and humidity is terrible! The last time I was in Florida was for my brother’s wedding, I swore I’d never come back. And I never have. My daughter was three and we took her to Disney World, the humidity almost killed me! I hate Florida weather. I will not retire in Florida. Why all these elderly people want to move there is beyond me! They so can’t decide if they’re a red state or a blue State. They are very indecisive. Right now every state is fighting for ventilators and Florida has as many as they want! This is because the governor of Florida is very buddy-buddy with the president. Not to mention they seem to screw up every federal election. How many times do you hear that Florida has to do a recount!? Now we have all these stupid Spring Breakers on the beaches of Florida going home and spreading the covid-19 virus to their family. Florida beaches are still open. They do not seem to have the smartest state government. Needless to say, I am not a fan of Florida.

So this leaves me with one decisive decision. All living chicken should live in Florida. They are only allowed to leave if they are about to be cooked and put in my belly.

If you live in Florida, I am sorry. If you are a chicken, I’m even more sorry… Sorry that I haven’t eaten you yet.