hath no fury

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This is absolutely true. But is even more true than this statement is that Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off. I am that woman. Ever since I died last year over the summer, people have been telling me how to live. Isn’t the whole point of not dying so that you can live your life as you see fit? Apparently not according to the rest of the world. Everyone and their grandmother seems to know how I should live my life. I have heard how I should eat. I have heard that I should not smoke. That I should not vaporize. That I should not drink. That I should not do anything that is not fit for other people. I have had enough. All of these people have their own faults. They don’t seem to bring up what is wrong with their lives but they are apparently all knowing when it comes to mine. I am pissed off. I have had enough. I thought the whole point of God bringing me dead back from the dead was that I could live my life. But I can’t live my life. I can only live the life that other people seem to be fitting for me. I have had enough. I am pissed. But I continue to live my life under other people’s thumb. I cannot drive. So I can’t get in my car and go for a drive to cool off. I cannot walk. So I cannot go outside and go for a walk to cool off. I am left with my pissed-off state with nothing left but my blog and my opinion and my thoughts. Probably others would have a problem with all of those two. Too as in also not the number. Sorry about that. I cannot type either so I am forced to be at the mercy of this horrible voice application. Didn’t I escaped death so that I can live my life the way I see fit? He’ll have no fury like a woman scorned. This is absolutely true. But is even more true then this statement is that hell has no fury like a woman pissed off. I am that woman. Ever since I died last year over the summer, people have been telling me how to live. Is it the whole point of not dying so that you can live your life as you see fit? Apparently not according to the rest of the world. Everyone and their grandmother seems to know how I should live my life. I have heard how I should eat. I have heard that I should not smoke. That I should not leave her eyes. That I should not drink. That I should not do anything that is not fit for other people. I have had enough. All of these people have their own fault. They don’t seem to bring up what is wrong with their lives but they are apparently all knowing when it comes to mind. I am pissed off. I have had enough. I saw the whole point of God bringing me that back from the dead was that I could live my life. But I can’t live my life. I can only live the life that other people seem to be sitting for me. I have had enough. I am pissed. But I continue to live my life under other people’s some. I cannot drive. So I can’t get in my car and go for a drive to cool off. I cannot walk. So I cannot go outside and go for a walk to cool off. I am left with my pissed off date was nothing left but my blog and my opinion and my side. Probably others would have a problem with all of those too. Too as in also not the number. Sorry about that. I cannot type either so I am forced to be at the mercy of this horrible voice application. Didn’t I escaped death so that I can live my life the way I see fit? I am 38 years old. Am I not old enough to decide for myself what is right to do? I see that my voice application has repeated my slots and I apologize also for that I do not know why it just did that so I guess you just have to read what I was thinking twice. Life is not going so well for me. I often feel like I shouldn’t have even woken up. I feel like what is the point? Is the point to do what everyone tells you to do? Because if that is the point trust me I get the message. I am so sick of people telling me what to do. I cannot take it anymore. I am about to lose my mind. Can someone please tell me what to do? But then there is the problem isn’t it? I am asking you for help but in doing so I would still be taking what someone else says and living my life according to their words. I want to live my life by my words. By my thoughts. By my feelings. Do you ever feel like this? Do you feel totally and utterly not in control of your own life? If so let us try to help each other. I will tell you right now don’t live for anyone else. Live for yourself. I give myself that advise but it goes in vain. I don’t know how to fix things anymore. I used to be the strongest person that I know. Now I have no idea who the hell I am. Because I have so many voices telling me who I am and who I am supposed to be. I haven’t even written a poem since I had my heart stopped beating over the summer. I just seem to not be able to write. I don’t think that I have writer’s block, I think that it is more than that. I think that I don’t have my own life anymore. When you don’t have your own life you are left at a place where you can’t be very creative. Creativity has gone out the window. Along with everything that everyone tells me is bad or wrong for me in my life now. I have had enough. I am pissed off. Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off. Sooner or later I am going to explode. I am going to tell people just what I think and that I have had enough. Wait a minute. Now that I think of it. I think I just did that writing this blog. So hopefully maybe one of those people will read it. Sometimes I wonder though if anyone reads my blogs. At least I get it out. I may not have anyone to listen but at least here I can express myself. No one seems to want me to express myself anymore. And I have had enough. When someone like me finally puts their foot down and declares they have had enough bad things happen. So to ensure that these things don’t happen bad I write a blog about my feelings and I send it out into the void. And I tell all of you, my friends, to live your life for yourself. Don’t live your life under the thumb of anybody.. I don’t know how to fix things anymore. I used to be the strongest person that I know. Now I have no idea who the hell I am. Because I have so many voices telling me who I am and who I am supposed to be. I haven’t even written a poem since I had my heart stop beating over the summer. I just seem to not be able to write. I don’t think that I have riders Block, I think that it is more than that. I think that I don’t have my own life anymore. When you don’t have your own life you are left out of place where you can’t be very creative. Creativity has gone out the window. Along with everything that everyone tells me is dad or wrong for me in my life now. I have had enough. I am pissed off. Hell has no fury like a woman pissed off. Sooner or later I am going to explode. I am going to tell people just what I think and that I have had enough. Wait a minute. Now that I think of it. I think I just did that writing this blog. So hopefully maybe one of those people will read it. Sometimes I wonder though if anyone reads my blog. At least I get it out. I may not have anyone to listen but at least here I can express myself. No one seems to want me to express myself anymore. And I have had enough. When someone like me finally puts their foot down and declares they have had enough bad things happen. So to ensure that these things don’t happen bad I write a blog about my feelings and I send it out into the void. And I tell all love you, my friend, to live your life for yourself. Don’t live your life under the sum of anybody. Because life is meant to be a lesson. And you certainly can’t learn it if you are too busy being told what the lesson is by others. Don’t want up like me. I pissed off 38 year old woman. I see that my blog has decided to duplicate itself again. I can’t even make my life work with a voice application. So I apologize to you again my friends. Fuck my life. I am done. Sorry you had to read things over and over and over again to get to this point. I cannot control my voice app when it does that. Fuck my life. Do I really have control over anything?

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