Amends

One of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is to make amends whenever possible unless it will hurt someone. I have been sober of everything except for prescribed medication for over 10 years. Today I made amends by writing a letter to someone and apologizing for something that happened over 8 years ago. I still very much dislike this person. But I must say a weight was taken off my shoulders. It does not mean in any way I will ever forgive this person for the wrong doings that they have done to myself and my family. But I made amends for my own heart. For my own sanity I had to admit my fault. I must admit this person has done far more harm to me and my family. But I did wrong too. And it in no way makes what I did all right. I swore to myself that at the start of this January I would try to be a better person. To be the best person that I can be. Now that I am a mother of a seven-year-old. I want to set a good example for my daughter. How could I set a good example when I was harming someone else? This letter that I wrote to a certain person I’m sure has long been forgotten. But it really pissed that person off. It was uncalled for and I needed to right my wrong. I must say that it truly does feel much better to apologize when it’s so much easier to hold on to the Hate in Your Heart. Believe me I am very good at holding a grudge. It is the Carpathian Russian and me. We can hold onto a grudge like it’s no one’s business. But a grudge does nothing except for hold you down. It is a waste of energy. There is so much in this world that you can invest your energy into that isn’t black. I don’t want to live with any negativity in my aura or my life. So I chose to apologize although I have been wronged very deeply by this family. I never thought that I would feel so good about apologizing to this person. So I share this with you my friends. If you can do right by someone then you are doing right to yourself. It truly is a miraculous thing. After all the help I got getting stem cells in Mexico for multiple sclerosis I need to live in the light. Not in the Darkness. For the darkness you cannot see it. It keeps you blind from who you really are. I hope you will all shine brightly. And live in the light. For it is far too dark to live with negativity. Just let go of it. I finally realize that making amends is not just for that person but it is really for your own well-being. Hopefully I will not have to make amends to anyone in the future. Hopefully I can continue to walk in the light. Because when you’re walking and negativity and darkness all that happens is you walk into a wall. And let’s face it it hurts a lot when you walk into a wall. Keep your eyes open and walk in the light of positivity. I hope and doing so my stem cells have a better chance of growing new neural pathways. I dream my body will someday be cured from this horrible disease. But if multiple sclerosis is the path that I am meant to live with at least I will know I am living with it truly feeling that I have done the best I could possibly do. And that’s all we can really hope for in this world. Be the best you that you can be

, peace and love Laurelin 🌻

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